Monday, December 28, 2015
Saturday Night At Woody's West End Tavern
Yep, the keepers let us out without guidance and our medications so Luly, Paul, Sandra and I went to Woody's and found our own medications. We spent the evening talking and laughing as the band played in the background.
It was great to see Sandra again as I had missed her previous trip about ten days ago and she couldn't attend the Wednesday night get together at the Hurricane Bar and Grill.
I was still semi-recovering from the Wednesday night partying at The Hurricane with Luly and Paul, which, after an hour, we abandoned and headed over to Woody's. Occasionally, on some of our Woody's rendezvous, the lights go out little by little until you realize you're the only one there. As long as we still have drinks, we keep on.....
But we came early on Saturday night and by a little after 11 pm, we went home as Sandra had another hour's drive to return home.
It was a fun night though and laughing and joking with friends always makes me happy. Of course, the morning after always leave me thinking, "I'm getting too old for this", but that's just my normal reaction after partying. As I slowly recover, the thought wanes and I start thinking about new adventures.
Luly has decided to refer to we four as scalawags (Noun; informal: a person who behaves badly but in an amusingly mischievous rather than harmful way; a rascal). I'd say that about sums it up although I would add a bit of gossip into the definition.
We have plans to drive up to Sandra's in January and spend the evening with her. I'm sure we'll have a great time. We usually do.....
The News As I See It: Nothing new to report
This Date In History: 1065; Westminster Abbey consecrated. 1832; John C. Calhoun became the first vice president in U.S. history to resign from office. 1846; Iowa became the 29th state in the United States.
1869; William F. Semple patented chewing gum. 1895; The Lumiere Brothers gave the first commercial movie show at the Grand Cafe in Paris. 1937; Composer Maurice Ravel died in Paris at age 62.
1945; Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance. 1981; Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube baby, was born in Norfolk, Va.
Picture Of The Day: This is where I would normally make a comment about the picture below, but I think you get the gist.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) At my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was, so I finally told them the dingo ate her. 2) Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts and started selling cookies. 3) Watching the Obama propaganda machine in motion, I realized that the average octopus spends two thirds of its life rolling up its sleeves. 4) The weatherman told his mostly female audience to expect 8 to 9 inches, but everyone knows he's probably lying. 5) A chicken coop always has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - December 28th: Horoscopes have always had a tendency to be wrong for you, but today's will be a peach. The partner of your dreams will realize you are worthy of attention, today. Stock up on alcohol and remember to change the sheets.
Birthdays: Eliza Lucas Pinckney, horticulturist 1722, Woodrow Wilson, 28th President of the United States 1856, Earl "Fatha" Hines, jazz pianist 1903, Stan Lee, writer, editor 1922, Simon Raven, writer 1927, Manuel Puig, novelist 1932, Dame Maggie Smith, actress 1934, Denzel Washington, actor 1954, Ray Bourque, hockey player 1960, Linus Torvalds, computer scientist 1969, John Legend, singer, songwriter, pianist 1978.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success.
Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water right here on my desk. So, who wants to go first ?"
The Englishman piped up. "B-B-B-Birmingham", he said. The speech therapist said, "There's no use, Trevor. Who's next ?"
The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-P-P-Paisley". The speech therapist replied, "That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?"
The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out " London". The speech therapist said, "Brilliant, Paddy!, and immediately set about living up to her promise.
After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said "......d-d-d-derry".
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up." They said, "Sure, you're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" The newcomer replied, "I'm a hit man," The friend said, "You're joking!" The hitman said, "No, I'm not."
Reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." The other friend said, "That's a beautiful telescopic sight. Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her..... He's naked, too !"
He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." The friend asked, "Can you do two for me now?" The hitman said, "Sure, what do you want?"
The friend said, "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. The friend asked impatiently,"Are you going to do it or not?" The hit man replied, "Just be patient, I think I can save you a grand here..."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off; they share each other's values, enjoy the same jokes and find pleasure in each other's company.
After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a little saying, "Perhaps I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but how's your health?"
The old man answers, "It's okay. I'm not getting any younger, but I don't have any major health problems. I can still enjoy life." The old woman says, "Well, I don't want to be a snoop, but I've got to protect myself. How are you fixed financially?"
The old man said, "So-so. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable. You don't have to worry about me sponging off you. I can support myself".
The little old lady blushes and finally asks him,"And how's your sex life...." The old man replies, "Infrequently." The widow ponders this for a moment or so, then asks, "And is that one word or two?"
Jane had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Jane said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet..
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend away. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" She replied, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same. She stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit - but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
That's it for today, my little gardenias. Remember, you know you've drank too much when you sit down on the toilet and try to put your seat belt on.
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More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !