Monday, December 7, 2015
A Word Of Advice - Take Heed Those Who May Tread On America
On December 7th, 1941, Japan made the fatal mistake of bombing Pearl Harbor killing 2,402 and injuring 1,402 Americans. This deliberate action woke a sleeping giant. Japan surrendered in defeat after two atomic bombs were dropped on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945.
Please take the time today to remember the dead and wounded in this devastating attack and remember the heroes, both past and present of the United States armed forces.
The News As I See It: The world's most popular type of banana is now facing extinction due to a fungus in Panama. So, it seems we're facing a banana shortage. My girlfriend said, "So does that means you actually are happy to see me?"
Hillary Clinton went on an Instagram binge and followed a bunch of celebrities like Beyonce, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. When Bill Clinton was asked if he follows any women on Instagram, he said, "All of them."
There was a ceremony at the Capital to unveil a marble statue of Dick Cheney. People said, "Wow, he looks so life-like." Then Cheney said, "Uh, the statue's over there.
Russia is planning to build a base on the moon where astronauts will live permanently. When asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless landscape, the Russians said, "No, that's why we want to go to the moon."
This Date In History: 1787; Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1917; The U.S. declared war on Austria-Hungary in World War I. 1941; The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.
1972; America's final moon mission, Apollo 17, blasted off from Cape Canaveral. 1975; Indonesia invaded East Timor, leading to a 25-year occupation. 1988; A 6.9 magnitude earthquake hit Armenia, killing 25,000.
2001; Taliban forces fled from Kandahar, their last stronghold in Afghanistan. 2002; Iraq formally declared to the UN that it had no weapons of mass destruction. 2004; Hamid Karzai was sworn in as Afghanistan's first popularly elected president.
Picture Of The Day: The USS Arizona Memorial, located at Pearl Harbor in Honolulu, Hawaii, marks the resting place of 1,102 of the 1,177 sailors and Marines killed on USS Arizona during the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor on 7 December 1941 and commemorates the events of that day.
The attack on Pearl Harbor and the island of Oahu was the action that led to the United States' direct involvement in World War II.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Autocorrect and I are so close, we finish each other's sentinels. 2) I wonder if clothes in China say "made around the corner." 3) I asked the my attorney's secretary if she could validate my parking. She said, "You park real good." 4) Men who dislike waking up at the crack of Dawn usually regret drunk dialing Dawn the night before. 5) I accidentally pushed my cat Samantha off of the bed while adjusting my blankets. Now she's sitting in the corner sadly humming a Sarah McLachlan song.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 7th: Spiders have feelings too...an undeniable but ultimately useless fact when the vacuum cleaner strikes.
Test yourself today by walking around semi-nude. Please be aware, however, that semi-nude does not necessarily mean just clothed in a tee shirt.
This is a test horoscope. You should have never received this unless for some reason you are at odds with the Stars. Are you at odds?
Birthdays: Richard Warren Sears, merchant 1863, Willa Cather, novelist 1873, Ted Knight, actor 1923, Noam Chomsky, educator and linguist 1928, Ellen Burstyn actress 1932, Harry Chapin, songwriter, singer 1942, Reginald Lewis, business leader 1942, Tom Waits, songwriter, singer, actor 1949, Larry Bird, basketball player 1956, Aaron Carter, singer 1987.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. The personnel director says, "You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute."
Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. The director says, "Also, you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course.” This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.
The director continues, "There’s one last requirement. You must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, '"Wella, I'va tried to treat her nice-a, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"
The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" Giuseppe proudly replied, "I gonna go pick her up."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Bald eagles mate for life. In an aerial courtship, the pair soars thousands of feet into the sky, interlock talons and perform the mating act while rapidly plummeting toward the ground in a series of somersaults.
I don't know much about eagle personalities and sex practices, but if I were a female eagle and I looked down to see I was only 500 feet away from crashing on jagged rocks and certain death, I think I'd fake an orgasm.
And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me."
God continued, "Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail.
Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."
And the Lord said, "I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."
So God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility. And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Cat did not care one way or the other.
That's it for today, my little reindeer. Remember, it's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they always say, "Thank you for choosing Domino's.".
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More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !