If It Weren't For Holidays And Football, Mondays Would Be Absolutely Useless !

One thing that pisses me off about the bailout of banks by the federal government is that there were not enough caveats as to how the monies were to be used. Actually, I'm amazed that the banks even needed a bailout when I take into consideration the amount of interest and fees the banks are legally allowed to charge on credit cards.

The credit card companies and banks were allowed to avoid usury and increase their interest rates years ago when national interest rates soared. When interest rates dropped, the banks did not drop their credit card interest rates proportionally and today, everyone is paying through the nose at rates that are as high as 28%.

The answer? The current recession is a clue. People have been unable or unwilling to pay back their credit card loans and because of that, the few banks that haven't folded are being forced to drop their rates. Additionally, people are not using their credit cards as much which decreases revenue to the banks.

The bottom line is that if we bailed out the banks with our tax dollars, then the banks should reciprocate by lowering their outrageous interest rates and fees. Maybe if we let the banks know that we intend to do the same thing as the dog pictured above is doing with their credit cards, they might possibly come around. If not, piss on them!

Comedian Wanda Sykes has a new HBO special called "I'ma Be Me" and it is absolutely hysterical. I watched it last evening and she touches on a lot of social and political issues without overdwelling, but more as each issue affects her. The show definitely earns an "R" rating but it is mostly adult humor and language. Her animated reactions to the subject matter she raises are well thought out and very funny.

This Date In History: 1492; Christopher Columbus lands on Guanahaní, an island in the Bahamas, and opens the Americas to Spanish conquest. 1915; Nurse Edith Cavell is executed by a German firing squad in Brussels for helping Allied soldiers escape from German-occupied Belgium during World War I. 1933; The US Department of Justice acquires the island of Alcatraz, converting it to a federal prison for dangerous prisoners. 1964; The Soviet Union launches Voskhod 1, the first spacecraft to carry a multi-person crew.

Picture Of The Day: What? Why picture of the day? Because even the animal world said, "Who??" when the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize was announced last week.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Congress is now considering giving $500 to every baby born in the United States, saying they want to promote savings. You thought a lot of illegals were coming here to have kids before? Now there's a cash bonus. 2) I woke up in the middle of the night last evening and as I was walking toward the bathroom, I heard a clicking noise. I stopped to listen and the noise went away. Thinking it was my imagination, I continued toward the bathroom and I heard the clicking noise again. When I stopped, the noise stopped again. When I continued my walk, I heard the clicking noise again and that's when I realized the clicking noises were coming from my ankles and knees.

3) Marijuana activists in California are determined to get enough signatures for a proposal on the ballot to legalize pot. In fact, they’re going to get right on that just as soon as “Scooby Doo” is over. 4) Exercise is important! My ex-mother-in-law started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is! 5) I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day....and that's five !

Birthdays: Edward VI, king of England and Ireland (1547-1553), the last in the male line of the House of Tudor 1537, Elmer Ambrose Sperry, American inventor and electrical engineer 1860, Ramsay MacDonald, prime minister 1866, Luciano Pavarotti, Italian tenor 1935.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Jack's wife ashed, "How was your golf game, dear?" Jack said, "Well I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went." Jack's wife said, "Well you're 75 years old now, Jack, why don't you take my brother Scott along?" Jack said, "But he's 85 and doesn't even play golf anymore." His wife said, "But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball."

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. Scott answered, "Yep." Peering into the distance, Jack said, "Well, where is it?" Scott answered, "I forgot."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, bartender, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things."

The woman continued, "The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says, "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

The man said, "Why thank you very much," and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Evidently, there's a lot of new Prizes in Cracker Jack boxes these days.....

That's it for today my little turtle doves. Remember, there's one in every family. If you don't understand that concept, you're the one! More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !