Friday, October 16, 2009

My Name Is Jimmy And I'm A Chocoholic !

I like chocolate, especially expensive dark chocolate. In reality, of all my favorite things, chocolate ranks right up there with wine, women and song (In no particular order). Oddly enough, although I like most of the other flavored candies, breads, fruits and sweets, chocolate is my downfall. I do, however, have a penchant for vanilla, strawberries and mangoes.

I cannot go into any grocery store or bakery without ogling at all of the different assortments of chocolate. The bakery near my home always has single slices of dark chocolate cake usually with a large, fresh strawberry on top. And chocolate eclairs? Forget it....

At the grocery store, walking down the cookie aisle and not stopping at the Pepperidge Farms cookie display is impossible. I sometimes feel like a crack addict and to make matters worse, inevitably, I always seem to go to the bakery or grocery shopping before I eat.

The bakery is probably the worst places for me because I know all the ladies there and they seem to enjoy teasing me with all their new goodies (don't go there!). It's always, "Hi Jimmy, have you seen the new chocolate covered strawberries? Ooh, they're so delicious! I had one already and........" They lead my like a lamb to the slaughter. But, what the hell, if ya gotta die of something, it might as well be decadent......!

The News As I See It: The White House hosted a tribute to Latin music, and President Obama wiggled his hips a little on the dance floor. At that point, a committee in Sweden immediately awarded him a Latin Grammy. Some of the celebrities at the White House Latin Music Night included Gloria Estefan, George Lopez, Eva Longoria, and Jose Feliciano. Apparently, it was much more fun than last year’s party which was just President Bush and Dora the Explorer.

Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. But then again, Democrats can’t believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book. The big story out of Washington is the healthcare bill passed the Senate Finance Committee by a vote of 14-9. The bill costs over $800 billion and that's just what lobbyists had to give to members of Congress.

What's Wrong With This Picture? Charlie Rangel (D-Harlem) is the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee. Charlie Rangel is under investigation by the House Ethics Committee for a) Failure to disclose $75,000 in rental income on a Dominican Republic villa, forcing him to cough up $10,800 in extra taxes. b) Using official congressional stationery to try to raise money for an educational institute at City College that will bear his name. c) Violating the ban on gifts worth more than $50 for accepting from a Manhattan developer four rent-stabilized apartments, where he now lives and works at prices well below market value.

In July, Rangel updated congressional disclosure forms to reflect more than $600,000 in "found" assets, including a credit union IRA account with a balance of more than $250,000, property in New Jersey and stocks. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who promised to "drain the swamp" and create "the most honest, most open, and most ethical Congress in history," is, instead, sticking by Rangel. In other words, the man who is in charge of writing the nation's tax laws doesn't pay his federal income or property taxes.

Country Music singer Garth Brooks is coming out of retirement. The country superstar and casino owner Steve Wynn announced Thursday afternoon that Brooks will be taking over the Encore theater at Wynn Las Vegas about 15 weeks a year, perhaps for the next five years. And it only cost the entrepreneur Wynn a jet. While sitting on stage with Wynn, Brooks said, "I told him he couldn't afford me. I was wrong. Wow."

Wynn bought the jet for Brooks so the best-selling solo act could continue to spend a maximum amount of time with his three teenage daughters and still perform. His youngest child has five years till she's off to college, and the deal Brooks and Wynn struck is flexible enough to guarantee the singer won't miss a precious moment.

He'll play shows on select Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays beginning Dec. 11. The plane lets him leave his Oklahoma home at 6 on Fridays and return home in time on Sundays so he can be ready to drive his girls to school the next morning.

This Date In History: 1555; Nicholas Ridley, along with fellow Protestant prelate and reformer, Hugh Latimer, is burned at the stake in Oxford for heresy. 1793; Marie Antoinette, queen consort of Louis XVI, is guillotined in Paris for treason. 1834; Both Houses of Parliament are destroyed in a fire at the old Palace of Westminster.

1847; Charlotte Brontë’s classic, Jane Eyre, is published under the pseudonym of Currer Bell. 1859; Planning to free Virginian slaves by armed force, American abolitionist John Brown, along with a force of 18 men, seizes the US Arsenal at Harpers Ferry, Virginia. 1908; Samuel Cody becomes the first person to fly in a powered aeroplane in Britain when his “British Army Aeroplane No. 1” takes to the skies at Farnborough, Hampshire.

1916; Margaret Sanger opens America's first birth-control clinic in Brooklyn, New York. 1946; During the Nuremberg Trials, ten high-ranking Nazi officials are executed by hanging for their war crimes during World War II.

Birthdays: Noah Webster, American lexicographer 1758, Lord Cardigan, army officer 1797, Robert Stephenson, civil engineer 1803, Oscar Wilde, Irish-born writer and wit 1854, Austen Chamberlain, statesman 1863, David Ben-Gurion, Israeli statesman 1886, Eugene O'Neill, American dramatist 1888, Gunter Grass, German writer 1927.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Marriages are made in heaven, but then again, so are thunder and lightning. 2) I would like to ask movie theater patrons to refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. 3) I wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it. 4) In other breaking news, Barack Obama was awarded the Heisman Trophy after watching a college football game. 5) When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing. Either the car is new or the wife is.....and that's five !

Picture Of The Day: It wasn't easy for me to chose the picture of the day as all of them are delicious. Needless to say, it's a bit difficult to pay attention to the task at hand when you're looking at pictures of women covered in chocolate. Nevertheless, I opted to go with the one that really caught my eye and this is it. I hope you enjoy it.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Myrtle Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Myrtle is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Myrtle your daughter?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Myrtle Findlay in 302. No one up here tells me shit."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals, Garnett, and Victor, for their contributions to today's stories.

A woman arrived at a party and, while scanning the guests, spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello, my name is Carmen." The man said, "That's a beautiful name. Is it a family name?" Carmen said, "No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the things I enjoy most, cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen."

Carmen smiled and asked the man, "What's your name?" The man replied, "B.J. Titsengolf."

A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural. He asks, "Who here has seen a ghost?" Everyone puts up their hands. He then asks, "Who here has spoken with a ghost?" Half the audience puts up their hands."

The psychiatrists eyes the audience and asks, "And who here has made love with a ghost?" One little man in the back row puts up his hand. The psychiatrist looks down from the podium at the little man and says, "Do you mean to tell me that you have made love with a ghost?" The man replies, "Oh No! I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you correctly. I thought you said 'goat'."

A nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat says, "Well, that's just great. That's really great! Some asshole's got my pen.

The bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores theirconversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say, "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one-a more."

The lady exclaimed, "You foul-mouthed swine, in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" The Italian man said, "Hey, coola-downa lady, Imma justa teachin' my fren' howa to spella Mississippi."

That's it for today my little rose buds. Remember, everybody needs to believe in something. I believe I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour and a scotch with my spiritual advisor, Johnnie Walker Black. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

7 comments:

garnett109 said...

Enjoy your weekend Jimmy

Joann said...

That 'CARMEN' Joke cracked me up... well they ALL did, as always!!

So glad to hear that Garth Brooks is giving me a FIVE year chance to go see him in concert!!! Of course, I said that about Celine Dion, and still never got to see her!! = \

Paula said...

Iliked the spelling joke.

Coelha :B said...

The nipples are missing! That is wrong with the picture! :)

I too am a lover a chocolate-is the food of the Gods...

Have a great weekend, full of chocolate! :)

Linda's World said...

Don't feel bad about liking chocolate...it is after all one of the main food groups. You would love the midnight chocolate buffet on every cruise (at least on every Royal Caribbean cruise.) I love it too, but my craving can be satisfied with a good old flat Hershey bar. Linda in rainy Washington state

Rose said...

I try to stay away from sweets but I guess after reading your blog, I picked up some chocolate while grocery shopping.

I usually don't buy it because I eat it all.

Tabby said...

Jimmy,
Now those where some pretty provocative chocolate pieces ;) I think I am the only female in history that does not have a thing for chocolate it must of skipped me and went to you.