Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Who Are These People And Why Are They Eating My French Fries ?

I heard the phrase "that's Jake with me" used yesterday in a movie and I wondered who in hell is Jake and why should I care. This, of course prompted my feeble little mind to delve into some of the other phrases I've heard over the years.

One of the phrases I've often heard is "He's a regular Joe." Since one of my best friends is named Joe, I began to wonder if he was a "regular Joe." What, if after all these years, I come to find out that he's an "irregular Joe?" Furthermore, what does regular pertain to? Coat size, bowel movement....Oh God, manhood?" The thought begins to creep me out. I think I'll just assume that my pal, Joe, is a "regular Joe" and leave it at that!

There's the well known and seemingly prompt, "Johnny on the spot." What spot? And if I find the "spot" and Johnny leaves that spot, does his name change? I know that some places referred to as "Johnny on the spot" allow you to relieve yourself in times of need. Is that the same Johnny? I've also heard that same receptacle referred to as John, as well. So, do you go to the John or to Johnny on the spot? I thought Spot was the dog.....this is so confusing.

Then there's old Peter and Paul. I always feel sorry for Peter because he is consistently being robbed and Paul always comes into newfound money everytime Paul is robbed. Why would people rob Peter? Is is to pay Paul over some stupid bet. I don't think that's right! Peter and Paul seem to be doing well with their Mounds company and word has it that they're not bad musicians either, moonlighting in the local bars with some chick named Mary.

Most people who have seen Peter and Paul perform with Mary have also wondered why Peter is always robbed when he's not with Paul. For the love of Pete, you'd think that someone living the life of Riley would understand that things are alway not Hunky Dory. The fact is that not everyone sees the forest for the trees.

I've tried to explain this fact to my Mexican friend, Manual Labor, many times but he's always too busy asking his friend, "Jose, can you see." Funny thing, everytime Manual asks that question to Jose, everyone stands up, removes their hats and places their hands over their hearts.

I don't always understand why these things happen and I'm not naive. I spend a lot of time socializing in AREA 51 and I hear and see these things happen all the time. The other day at the bar, some woman was complaining to her girlfriend about something. I didn't hear all of the conversation, but I think it was something about Disneyworld because she mentioned that someone tried to slip her a Mickey. She said when she went to her room, somebody tried to Jimmy her lock........

The Freebie Department: Ok, so it's not exactly a freebie, but it's still a pretty good deal. The Halloween coupon booklets are out. For $1, get a Trick or Treat Gift Book at Wendy's with 10 free Jr. Frosty coupons. At McDonald's, get a Tricks & Treats Pack for $1 with 12 coupons to redeem for free hamburgers, ice cream cones, apple dippers and milk jugs. Or, stop by Burger King with $1 to get 8 coupons for free value size fries. Click the links for more information.

From what I've been able to ascertain, not all of franchises participate and some employees are not even aware of the campaign. But most of the franchises have the deal and if you have kids, it's worth a buck. My suggestion is that if you're going there anyway, ask the management if they have the booklets. It vouldn't hoit.

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT Award) is gathering dust and needs to be awarded to somebody. If you have anyone in mind, nominate them. Try it, you'll like it !

This Date In History: 1571; The Battle of Lepanto, the first major victory of the Christians against the Ottoman Empire, is fought. 1704; Scottish sailor Alexander Selkirk, the probable inspiration for Daniel Defoe’s Robinson Crusoe, is put ashore at his own request on an uninhabited island in the South Pacific Ocean. 1950; China invades Tibet.

2001; The launch of Operation Enduring Freedom sees US forces mount air attacks against the Taliban and Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan. 2003: Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes Governor of California.

Birthdays: William Laud, Archbishop of Canterbury 1573, Henry Wallace, 33rd vice-president of the United States 1888, Desmond Tutu, South African clergyman and civil rights activist 1931, Thomas Keneally, Australian novelist 1935, Vladimir Putin, Russian president 1952.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I often wonder who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's ass." 2) We shouldn’t have sent Obama to get the Olympic Committee’s votes. We should have sent ACORN. It would have been a landslide. 3) Sarchasm (n) is defined as the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 4) I'm told that when you're going to make a parachute jump, you should make sure you're high enough. I figure that three days of steady drinking should do it. 5) Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.....and that's five !

Picture Of The Day: Words cannot describe or replace the beauty that the eye recognizes. Maybe that's why I'm sometimes at a loss for words when I'm around beautiful women. Comparably, flowers, like women, hold a special place in my heart, especially when they're combined with a bit of intellectual insight.

I loved these pictures the minute I saw them and I hope you like them as well. There were so many to choose from that I may run more of these over at my other blog site, Jimmy's Journal - The Original. I'll let you know when I do.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?" Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal. If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me, if there is baseball in heaven."

They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" The spirit of Abe says, "Yes it is Sol." Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

Abe says, "Well, I got good news and I got bad news." Sol says, "Gimme the good news first." Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news, says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" The man cries, "Oh god no! My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?" The doctor says, "The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman’s arm! I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant" The man says, "Go for it doc, as long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon. The businessman says, "Great, I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved. Not only that, my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."

The surgeon says, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. I'm glad you didn't have side affects." The man says "Well, there's just one problem. Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache!"

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another from 50 yards down a chimney, and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour.

The coach said to himself, "I've got to get this guy! He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great game of football and, sure enough, the Saints go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football.

When the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother. He says into the phone, "Mom, I just won the Super Bowl!" The old Muslim woman says, "I don't want to talk to you. You deserted us. You are not my son." The son pleads, "Mother, I don't think you understand, I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"

His mother replies, "At this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to New Orleans!"

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time with same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" The man asked innocently, "What makes you say that?" His wife said,"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."

That's it for today my sweet little belly dancers. Remember, animal testing is a horrible practice. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers. I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. Y'all come ! More on Friday

Stay Tuned !


Pat Brandt said...

Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your posts!!!

Rose said...

Great Post as always!

I just got home from a Happy Hour......something seems to be missing..........Oh yeah....the fun it used to be.......Ugh


Paula said...

Love this entry and the owl picture is so pretty. Did you forget about Johnny come lately?

Joann said...

Great post... Again!!!

Have a great evening,
Regular Jo ann

Julie said...

Awwwwwww, Jimmy in the morning, Jimmy in the evening, Jimmy, you just make me laugh anytime. Thanks for being you my friend.