Monday, January 11, 2010

Game Change - A New Book Looks At Behind The Scenes Cutthroat Politics

Politics make strange bedfellows and nothing pleases me more than when lying, thieving, corrupt lawyers and politicians step in their own shit. In "Game Change", a new book by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin about the 2008 presidential campaign, Nevada Senator Harry Reid is quoted as saying privately that the US would be “ready to embrace a black presidential candidate, especially one such as Obama – a 'light-skinned' African American with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one."

Reid, the holier than thou asshole who literally bribed democratic senate holdouts from Louisiana and Oklahoma for their Obamacare votes using American tax dollars, is finally getting his due. According to Nevada 2010 senate polls, Reid is virtually assured of being voted out of office for his stance on Obamacare and my guess is that there's a good chance his family will put the senile old bastard in a home.

"Game Change" also states that Bill Clinton, while lobbying the late Sen. Edward Kennedy to endorse his wife, angered Kennedy by belittling Obama. Telling a friend about the conversation, Kennedy recalled Clinton had said "a few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee," the authors paraphrase.

Naturally, Reid has "apologized" for his remarks and Obama has "accepted" his apology. Meanwhile, the republicans are "outraged" about the remark and are asking Reid to resign. They cite the fact that ensuing "outrage" over a comment made by Republican Trent Lott (Mississippi) in 2002, caused his resignation as Senate Minority Leader.

Lott made the comment on Capitol Hill during a 100th birthday celebration for Strom Thurmond, who was retiring the next month after nearly 48 years in the Senate. Lott said, "I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years, either."

One of the more interesting subjects of conversation today was watching reporters, both black and white, discussing the meaning and use of the words "Negro dialect", referring to Senator Reid's unfortunate quote. All of the reporters seemed to define the words as referring to "accents" or intonation. The reality of the matter is that the words effective relate more to the user's ability to use the English language correctly, id est, to conjugate "to be".

My father once told me that if you give an asshole enough rope and be patient, sooner or later, he'll hang himself. Reid's words and other early excerpts from "Game Change" seem to confirm that theory. I don't read many non-fictional books as the majority are usually just useless vehicles for profit with little or no depth and filled with rhetoric, but a behind the scenes reporter's open eyes and excellent ears might make this new book an interesting read.

One thing is for sure. The next time you see politicians posing together for a picture with their arms around each other's back, you can be sure that their unseen hands are usually holding knives!

The News As I See It: The Mexican government says that Starbucks is using a pre-Aztec logo without permission. In fairness, Mexico is using the United States without permission. Tourism is down in New York City. The only foreign visitors they have are from Guantanamo.

President Obama has said, "We are at war against al-Qaida, and we will do whatever it takes to defeat them (read - speeches, talks, speech talks, talks about speeches, yadda, yadda yadda). In Obama’s defense, he is taking responsibility for the security lapse on Christmas. Obama said, "Ultimately the buck stops with me" (read - unless it’s a billion bucks, in which case it just goes to AIG).

Mark McGuire announced today that he was taking steroids during the era that he broke all of the home run records. Uh....duh?! Next they'll be telling us that Sammy Sosa did the same thing.

This Date In History: 1935; Amelia Earhart became the first person to fly solo from Hawaii to California. 1964; The first government report regarding the dangers of cigarette smoking was issued by the U.S. Surgeon General, Luther Terry. 1973; Baseball's American League adopted the "designated hitter" rule which allowed another player to bat for the pitcher.

2002; The first al-Qaeda prisoners arrive at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. 2003; Outgoing Illinois governor George Ryan cleared the state's death row by commuting the sentences of 167 inmates.

Picture Of The Day: So many stupid politicians and so many excellent photoshop pictures to choose from. It's a good thing they pay politicians mediocre salaries and as a result, get mediocre leaders or the photoshop business would not exist.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I nominate Dr. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. 2) The difference between being married or having a dog is that, if a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff. 3) A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the courtesy to thank her. 4) When we were young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now we just "chunky dunk." 5) My ex-wife used to say I never listened to her. At least I think that's what she said.....and that's five !

Birthdays: My pal Richard. Happy Birthday "Good Time Charley" 19XX, Alexander Hamilton, statesman 1755, Ezra Cornell, financier 1807, Sir John Macdonald, statesman 1815, Alice Paul, activist 1885, Alan Paton, novelist 1903, Jean Chr├ętien, politician 1934, Mary J. Blige, singer, songwriter 1971.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken and he is walking with a limp. Sean the bartender asks, "What happened to you?" Paddy says, "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight." Sean says, "That little shit? He couldn't do that to you, he must of had something in his hand." Paddy says, "That he did. A shovel is what he had, and a terrible licking he gave me with it."

Sean says, "You should have defended yourself. Didn't you have anything in your hand?" Paddy says, ''That I did. Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Two families moved from Afghanistan to America. When they arrived, the two fathers made a bet. In a year's time, whichever family had become more Americanized would win. A year later they met.

The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonald's for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud. How about you?" The second man replied, "Screw you, towel head."

This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Do you know why this paragraph is unusual? * (answer below)

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

A woman found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The woman goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The woman says, "I'm not using it under my arms." The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer." The druggist says, "Don't ride your bicycle for at least a week."

A woman who absolutely loved the music of Billy Joel and Paul McCartney decided to have their images tattooed on her body. She went to a tattoo parlor and told the artist she wanted Billy Joel tattooed on her left thigh and Paul McCartney tattooed on her right thigh. When the job was completed, the artist gave her a mirror to inspect his work.

She exclaimed that neither of the images looked like what they were supposed to be. The artist said, "Let's get another opinion." He went out to the street and looked around, but couldn't find anyone. Worried he might not get paid, he went to the alley and grabbed an old wino to come in and assist with the problem.

There sat the woman, with her legs apart, and the artist asked the wino what he saw. The wino said, "Well, I'm not real sure who all of them are, but the guy in the middle is Willie Nelson."

** The paragraph does not contain the letter "e".

That's it for today my little tumble weeds. Remember, you know the economy is really getting bad when Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Pat said...

I'm going to have another go at leaving a comment Jimmy, I never seem to be able to!
That paragraph was very clever, I didn't guess and, as it's 10.30pm here, I don't have the patience to try!
Love the jokes as usual! ~~~Pat

Pat said...

Wow, how did that work!! I could leave a comment!

Karen said...

Love it, love it! Keep on writing, eventhough I have stopped, but not forever...just busy getting married!!!!

Rose said...

OMIG! I laughed so hard throughout the entire stomach hurts!

Good Job Jimmy! Too funny!


Julie said...

Thanks for the laughs this morning, Love it.

Martha@Menagerie said...

Hi Jimmy,
Just swinging in to catch up on all the latest here. I've been busy working out (yes, I did read the previous entry - I'll keep you guessing ;-)
Hope all is well in your world. Enjoy the rest of the week!

Paula said...

Been missing you and everyone but enjoyed our company from the cold country.