Monday, January 25, 2010

It's National Bubble Wrap Day - Go Ahead, You Know You Want To.....

Today is National Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day, honoring the conception of the bubble wrap 50 years ago. Although very useful in the packaging and shipping of products, I'm still a bit unsure of it's true potential. Although neurotics must find it soothing, children seem to have fun with it as well. I must admit that I have popped a few bubbles in my time though I place most of the blame on my spiritual advisor, Johnnie Walker Black.

In reality, there are many uses for bubble wrap other than packaging and shipping. One resourceful entrepreneur came up with the bubble wrap calendar which allows one to satisfy one's neuroses and still keep track of the date. Another young lady developed the idea for using bubble wrap as a halter top. I'm not quite sure which button one should pop in that situation.

The News As I See It: The National Football League playoffs are over and the New Orleans Saints will play the Indianapolis Colts in the Super Bowl in Miami in two weeks. Let the hoopla begin. The big health care fight is not going well for the Democrats. Nancy Pelosi has said that the House doesn’t have enough votes to pass the Senate’s healthcare bill. A few more elections and the House won't have Nancy Pelosi, either.

A Taco Bell employee in Alaska was sentenced to one day in jail for throwing a taco at his manager. He'll spend the whole day pleading with fellow inmates to think outside the buns.

This Date In History: 1890; Nellie Bly bested Jules Verne's Around the World in 80 Days by completing her circumnavigation in 72 days. 1890; United Mine Workers of America was founded. 1915; Alexander Graham Bell inaugurated transcontinental telephone service.

1924; The first Winter Olympic games opened at Chamonix, France. 1961; President John F. Kennedy held the first presidential news conference carried live on radio and television. 1971; Charles Manson was found guilty of murdering Sharon Tate and six others.

Picture Of The Day: Bubble wrap, what else? You may not believe this but it's a bit difficult to find good bubble wrap pictures these days. Oh, I almost forgot, I've also posted a picture of why hunters should not drink while they're hunting...

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've got a friend who has been on so many blind dates, he got a free seeing-eye dog. 2) Why is it that the people with the ugliest feet always wear flip-flops? 3) I think my wild oats are turning into shredded wheat! 4) Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards. 5) All men see in only 16 colors, just like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Robert Burns, poet 1759, George Edward Pickett, Confederate general 1825, W. Somerset Maugham, writer 1874, Virginia Woolf, English Writer 1882, Corazon Aquino, politician 1933, Eusebio, soccer player 1942, Steve Prefontaine, runner 1951, Alicia Keys, singer, songwriter 1981.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill:

Little Johnny was passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peaks in and catches his folks in the act. Before daddy can even react, little Johnny exclaims, "Oooh, horsie! Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where the mailman usually get bucked off.

Every Friday, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would go home early. She started with, "This was England's finest hour." Little Susie instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill." The teacher said, "That's correct Susie. You may go home."

The following Friday, the teacher said, "Ask not what your country can do for you...." Before she could finish this quote, little Linda belts out, "John F. Kennedy." The teacher replied, "That's right, Linda, you may go home."

The following Friday, little Johnny, irritated that he was unable to guess the previous Friday questions, brings a paper bag with two ping-pong balls he had painted black. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," little johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room.

Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, "Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Monday!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The local sheriff was looking for a new deputy when a blonde walked into his office to apply. Wary of the rumors about blondes, he decided to ask her a few questions. The sheriff asked, "What do you get when you combine one and one? The blonde says, "Eleven." The sheriff thinks to himself, "That's not what I wanted, but I guess she's right."

The sheriff asked, "What two days of the week begin with the letter T?" The blonde replies, "Today and Tomorrow." The sheriff is again surprised that the blonde has supplied a correct answer that had not even occurred to him. The sheriff says, "Listen carefully, who killed Abe Lincoln?" The blonde looks a little surprised. She thinks really hard for a minute and finally admits, "I don't know." The sheriff says, "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wanders over to the beauty parlor, where her pals are waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant and says, "The interview went great! It's my first day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong", and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

That's it for today my little swizzle sticks. Remember, relationships are made in heaven but, then again, so are thunder and lightning. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

You outdid your self today Jimmy. Got my funnies here and the day isn't even over yet.

Rose said...

I enjoyed the chuckles! So many uses for bubble wrap!

Linda's World said...

It's amazing. I do not remember bubble wrap back in the 60's...I must have led a very sheltered life. But I think it's a wonderful invention~right up there with crunchy peanut butter and sliced bread. I would love a bubble wrap calendar. Linda in Washington

Sugar said...

lol! a big hug to you my friend, for making us smile. :)

Coelha :B said...

Sometimes I pee when I laugh too.. I'm glad I'm in good company! LOL Julie :)

salemslot9 said...

Pumpkin is a kitty, too
(fruity cat)

Julie said...

Loved the blonde joke, cute.

Senorita said...

I love bubble wrap, especially the big bubbles. It's so therapeutic.

So nice we have a shipping department at where I work. Endless supply !

kbear said...

LOL..loved it all and especially that hunter!