The Tragedy Of Haiti

The earthquake crisis in Haiti boggles the imagination as thousands of people have been killed or injured. One of the more heartening stories has been the huge amount of donations by the public to the American Red Cross via text messaging. In a era of countless scams perpetrated by the dregs of society, this particular method of donations seems to be working very well.

More than 5 million dollars have been donated thus far and this method has gotten through to a lot of younger people who normally have not participated before. You can text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts. It is my understanding that the $10 donation will appear on your next phone bill and I further understand that the major cell carriers have waived the normal texting fee. Check with your particular carrier for details.

Today is the anniversary of the crash landing of US Airways flight 1549 in New York's Hudson River. Piloted by my personal hero, Captain "Sully Sullenburger" and the able help and support of the co-pilot and crew members, the successful miracle landing resulted in no fatalities or major injuries. An anniversary celebration took place today in New York City attended by Captain Sullenburger, the flight crew and the passengers.

The News As I See It: A lot of people don't like the new airport body scanners. They say they don't like security officials seeing naked images of their bodies. Huh? Have you seen most Americans lately? It can't be much of a picnic for the security officials either. Sarah Palin has signed on to become a Fox News correspondent. The new slogan is "hair and unbalanced." In a related story, John McCain just picked up an endorsement deal to be a spokesman for the Scooter Store.

General Motors has announced that they will no longer provide free cars for Tiger Woods to crash into fire hydrants. Due to his accident on Thanksgiving in his Cadillac Escalade, GM isn’t renewing their contract with him, which means the No. 1 golfer in the world does not have a caddy. NASA says that a mystery object passed by Earth yesterday morning. They’re not sure what it was, but it missed the Earth by 80,000 miles, so it could have been a Northwest Airlines flight.

And finally, President Obozo's approval rate is now at 46%. His used car saleman's promises about transparency and C-Span coverage turned out to be lies and that "hopey-changey" bit has gotten stale.

This Date In History: 1559; Queen Elizabeth I was crowned in Westminster Abbey. 1759; The British Museum opened. 1777; The Republic of New Connecticut declared its independence. Six months later it was renamed Vermont.

1870; The donkey was first used as symbol of the Democratic Party in Harper's Weekly. 1943; The world's largest office building, the Pentagon, was completed. 1967; The first Super Bowl was played: Green Bay Packers 35, Kansas City Chiefs 10.

1973; President Nixon orders halt to offensive operations in North Vietnam. 1992; The European Community recognized Croatia and Slovenia as separate states, effectively ending the Yugoslav federation, founded in 1918. 2009; U.S. Airways flight 1549, piloted by Captain "Sully" Sullenburger successfully crash lands in the Hudson River with no fatalities or major injuries.

Picture Of The Day: Today has been a lean day for decent photgraphs so I had to go back into my archives for most of the pictures. The feature picture was taken by my pal, Nancy.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The epitome of getting older is when you hear your favorite song in an elevator. 2) I'll never understand how women can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto their upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. 3) I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. 4) Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the oldest profession. 5) Every time I walk into AREA 51, I can still hear my mother's wise words, "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!".....and that's five !

Birthdays: My pal Regina. Happy Birthday baby! 19XX, Moliere, playwright 1622, Abigail Kelley Foster, abolitionist 1810, Edward Teller 1913, Robert Byrd, political leader 1917, Gamal Nasser, political leader 1918, Martin Luther King Jr, civil rights leader 1929.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm high revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink? The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

Down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink! The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink? Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and says, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and says, "Pardon me, it's none of my business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina' ?" The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls finished their business, they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed, hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!" The other husband said, "That's nothing! Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said. 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!'"

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

An ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battles?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound, and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed more pirate ships were approaching, 10 of them, all ready to attack. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

That's it for today my little wine sippers. Remember, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !