M O N D A N E

I've always suspected that God has a sense of humor and I sometimes wonder if he ever got bored during creation. I mean that, although that's quite a bit of work to complete in seven proverbial days, there had to be some down time.

The first thing that comes to mind is the platypus. Here's a mammal with a duck's bill, an otter's body, a beaver's tail, webbed feet and lays eggs. Come on, don't you think that God must have been doubled over with laughter imagining how Darwin would handle this one.

A lot of people think that Deja Vu is something you have done before or relived in the past. In fact, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends. God created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. The reason God made man before woman was to give man time to think of an answer for her first question.

There's some other things that surely amuse the almighty, as well. Do you think it's just coincidence that the itch on your back is impossible to reach from any possible angle? Yes, my friends, God definitely has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to Wal-Mart and just take a look at the people.

The News As I See It: A cruise line is going to recreate the voyage of the Titanic. The 12-night journey will begin at Southampton on April 8th 2012, and reach the site of the disaster on the night of April 14th-15th - exactly 100 years on from the moment calamity struck. What could possibly go wrong?

Vice President Joe Biden told The New York Times that President Obama has asked him to run again in 2012. The bad news? Nobody is asking Obama to run again yet.

Starting in January, couples can actually get married at McDonald’s in Hong Kong. I’m not saying those marriages won’t work, but when have you been to a McDonald’s and not regretted it one hour later?

One of the 33 Chilean miners revealed that they all joked about cannibalism while they were trapped. He was like, "If you don't believe me, ask the 34th guy — I mean . . . never mind."

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is that you cannot post: "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.

This Date In History: 1685; Louis XIV revoked the Edict of Nantes. 1767; The boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania, the Mason-Dixon line, was agreed upon. 1867; The United States took possession of Alaska from Russia. 1912; The first Balkan War broke out.

1931; Inventor Thomas Alva Edison died in West Orange, N.J., at age 84. 1968; The U.S. Olympic Committee suspended two black athletes for giving a "black power" salute during a victory ceremony at the Mexico City games.

Picture Of The Day: The photoshop gang has been asleep at the wheel so I had to turn to my other sources for today's pictures. Thankfully, I have a plethora of animal pics in my portfolio and they seemed to fit right in.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste. 2) It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. 3) I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. 4) Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 5) Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast......and that's five !

Bonus Sixth: Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion.

Birthdays: Edward Winslow, founders of Plymouth Colony 1595, Canaletto, Venetian painter 1697, King Mongkut, royalty 1804, Lotte Lenya, singer and actress 1898, Pierre Elliott Trudeau, former Prime Minister 1919, Chuck Berry, American rock music guitarist, singer, and songwriter 1926.

George C. Scott, actor 1927, Mike Ditka, football 1939, Lee Harvey Oswald, presumed assassin 1939, Ntozake Shange, writer 1948, Martina Navratilova, tennis player 1956, Jean-Claude Van Damme, pseudo actor 1960, Wynton Marsalis, trumpeter, bandleader, and composer 1961.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture,' but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.

One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she's finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he's finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge and feel free to call the USA anytime. Putin goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whisky.

The old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle, took a big drink and took the bottle with him. The old man whispered, "Lord have mercy, he's gonna be a politician!"

At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. The speaker said, "And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up. The speaker continued, "Okay, that's pretty good. Have any of you ever, uh, been 'intimate' with a ghost?"

In the back of the room, an old man raided his hand. The speaker blinks and says, "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?" The old man suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said goat!"

That's it for today my little goblins. Remember, people can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !