Friday, October 1, 2010

Oktoberfest - 200 Years And Still Going Strong !

It's a blue sky and sunny day in Miami today, setting the scene for a great weekend. Tropical storm Nicole's moonsoon rains have blown through and I no longer need to tread water while holding my beer during happy hour in AREA 51. The one thing about intermittent strong, stormy winds and a constant 24 hour drizzle is that you really appreciate the sunshine when it's all over.

What a coincidence that ambulance chaser Gloria Allred, who backs and makes political contributions to democratic gubernatorial candidate Jerry Brown, is representing the poor ($23 an hour) illegal immigrate Nicky Diaz Santillian. Diaz Santillian is the former maid for Meg Whitman and claims she was mistreated and unfairly fired from her position.

Whitman denounced the accusations as a "baseless smear attack" by Democratic challenger Jerry Brown. She said she fired Diaz last year immediately after learning she had forged her documents and was in the U.S. illegally.

The timing of the accusations so close to the debate, the lack of extensive documentation and Allred's Democratic ties left open questions about motive. Allred once gave money to Brown, and she was a Hillary Rodham Clinton delegate at the Democratic National Convention in 2008.

Allred, who is well-known for orchestrating media stunts, has not permitted Diaz Santillan to answer any questions from reporters over two days of news conferences. I wonder why Diaz Santillian and Allred waited almost a year to make these claims, especially with election day coming up in less than 30 days?

The News As I See It:President Obozo has been meeting with voters in what he calls "backyard chats." He's held these in real people's backyards. You know something, I think all politicians should talk to people in their backyards. Then you could take what they say and spread it on the lawn.

Republican Senator Tom Coburn said yesterday that Christine O'Donnell, if elected, will be able to combat the stupidity in Washington. So I guess they're going to fight fire with fire."

The wife of Republican New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino said she accepts that her husband had an affair, that he has a mistress, and the mistress had his baby. He actually convinced her this is no big deal. Hey, this guy is a lawyer, a real estate developer, and a politician. That is the trifecta of professional liars.

Rahm Emanuel is leaving the Obozo administration. He wants to become mayor of Chicago. If you're mayor of Chicago, that means you report directly to Oprah.

President Obozo said that change is hard. You think it's hard now? Wait until the House changes in November. Obozo has listed the songs on his iPod. The Tea Partiers are checking to see if "Born in the USA is on the list".

This Date In History: 1800; Spain ceded Louisiana to France in the secret Treaty of San Ildefonso. 1908; Henry Ford introduced the first mass-produced automobile on the market—the Model T car to the market. Each car cost $825.

1936; General Francisco Franco became head of the insurgent Spanish government. 1961; Roger Maris of the New York Yankees hit his 61st home run of the season, breaking Babe Ruth's record of 60 set in 1927. 1971; Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, Florida.

Picture Of The Day: Veteran actor Tony Curtis died September 29 in Las Vegas at the age of 85. My favorite Tony Curtis movie was "Some Like It Hot" where he co-starred with Jack Lemmon and Marilyn Monroe. Rest In Peace Tony.

On a more cheerful note, Oktoberfest is going strong and this is the 200th anniversary of the celebration. The photoshop boys came up with some political pictures which I hope you enjoy.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first. 2) To err is human, to moo bovine. 3) My doctor has advised me to take my medications before posting to Jimmy's Journal. 4) In an intellectually equal society, who will be the busboys? 5) Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs......and that's five !

Birthdays: My pals Sarah and Skip (both tomorrow - Saturday). Happy Birthday, my friends! 19XX, William Edward Boeing, aircraft manufacturer 1881, Vladimir Horowitz, pianist 1904, Walter Matthau, actor 1920, James Carter, Jr., American President, 1924, William Rehnquist, Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court 1924, Tom Bosley, actor 1927, Julie Andrews, actress 1935, Randy Quaid, actor 1950, Mark McGwire, baseball player 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: At 80 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 80-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to goes to sleep again.

However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. Once again they enjoy one another. As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, you have enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once. You're a great lover!" Morris, looking somewhat befuddled, turns to Luanne and says, "You mean I was here already?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Century Village, a Florida adult retirement community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?" He replies, "I lived here years ago." The old lady asks, "So, where were you all these years?" The man answers, "In prison."

The old woman says, "Why did they put you in prison?" He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife." The woman smiles and says, "Oh, so you're single...?"

A tax paying member of the public, on his way home from work, came to a halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He noticed a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer what's the hold up?"

The officer said, "Barack Obama is just so depressed about all the controversy over the way he's running the country that he stopped in the middle of the highway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says that everybody hates him and he will lose the next election. He says he doesn't have the money to pay for a new house, so we're taking up a collection for him."

The tax payer said, "Really? How much do you have so far?" The officer answered, "About three hundred gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."

A young couple is living on a farm. One evening a flying saucer lands on the farm, right next to their house. Out of the flying saucer steps a young Martian couple, and they look very much like humans. The earth woman invites the Martians for dinner. They all sit down and start talking. They begin exchanging ideas and traditions, and they get to liking each other so much that they decide to switch partners for the night. The farmer and the Martian's wife go into one of the rooms, and the farmer's wife and the Martian man go into the other room.

As the Martian man takes off his pants, the farmer's wife looks down and sees that his penis is extremely small. She asks, "What are you gonna do with that?" The martian man says, "I'll show you", and proceeds to twist his right ear. Suddenly his penis extends to a foot and a half. However, it is still only as thick as a pencil. The woman says, "That's pretty long, but it's really not very wide." The Martian then reaches up, twists his left ear, and he becomes as thick as a huge sausage. They then proceed to have sex.

The next morning, the Martians take off and the farmer and his wife are having breakfast. The farmer asks his wife, "So, how was it?" His wife said, "It was great, the best sex I've ever had! How was yours?" The farmer says, "Well, it was good but kinda weird. All night long she kept playing with my ears."

That's it for today my little pop tarts. Remember, women will sometimes admit making a mistake.The last man who admitted that he was wrong was General George Custer. I wonder if there's any beer left in AREA51? Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Missie said...

Your blog always makes me laugh! The pictures are hilarious! Hope you have a good weekend my friend.

jack69 said...

I didn't get to read the whole entry, but if the guy is serious we would donate 100 gals of diesel.

All is well in this little town of Arley. Actually we are 8 miles in the woods from Arley. The web connection is tenious. As I said I skipped some of the entry.
Sherry has developed what I guess is a fetish. keeps twisting my ears, been doing this all day!

Take care glad you don/t have to hold your beer up and tread water.

Paula said...

Good jokes and pictures and poor old Morris.

Julie said...

I think the mudslinging is going to be even worse then usual this year. It is in Iowa at least.

The back yard in Iowa Obama visiting was owned by people who have millions, I hear he was trying to cop an invite to their vacation home in Italy. They didn't pick up on the hint, LOL.

One of my favorite Tony Curtis's film's was the Pink submarine. He was so cute.

Well, I am going to have me some of the October fest fun tonight, have a great weekend. Now I am off to wish Skip a happy birthday.

Rose said...

You got some great graphics as always.........they are too funny!

I get so tired of the political arena and the mud slinging.....

Enjoy your weekend.


Heli gunner Tom said...

I liked Tony Curtis in the Vikings.


Joann said...

Thanks, Jimmy!! I really needed the laugh tonight!! LOL!!! I'll siphon my gas tank, every drop, for my donation!! LOL!!

Ally Lifewithally said...

I always have a good laugh when I visit you ~
I think Tony Curtis was one of the great actors and will be sadly missed ~ I enjoyed every film I ever saw him in ~ Ally x

kbear said...

I wood love to be in Germany for another Oktoberfest right now..but without the political

salemslot9 said...

I like The Defiant Ones

I'm gonna buy me a pair
of buckskin shoes,

with a brand-new suit and a silk shirt.

And I'll be Charlie Potatoes,
comin' down the street,

with a Panama hat and a good-lookin' gal.