Monday, October 11, 2010

The Old Miner

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance ... never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you're gonna learn to dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 10 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... but, I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here: 1) Never be arrogant. 2) Don't waste ammunition. 3) Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. 4) Always, always make sure you know who has the power. 5) Don't mess with old folks, they didn't get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?

The News As I See It: A record number of couples got married on Sunday, because the date was October 10, 2010, or 10/10/10. If the date 10/10/10 is the reason you got married, good luck with your upcoming divorce on 11/11/11.

According to the National Institute of Health, as people age, their brains respond less strongly to rewards. They say older people become less excited when they win something. Whoever did this study has never seen a bingo game.

The Obama administration announced that they deported a record 392,000 illegal immigrants in the past year. Most of those were deported on a Friday. This way they got to spend a wonderful weekend in Mexico with their families before returning on Monday.

Rihanna revealed this week that she texts Lady Gaga before major events to make sure they don’t wear the same outfit. Can you imagine that conversation? It’s like, "Hey Gaga, are you wearing the blue satin dress tonight or are you gonna wear the cold-cut platter from Blimpie?"

This Date In History: 1779; Polish patriot and American Revolutionary War commander Casimir Pulaski was killed in the battle of Savannah. 1899; The Boer War began in South Africa. 1915; English nurse Edith Cavell was executed by the Germans. 1939; A letter from Albert Einstein was delivered to President Franklin D. Roosevelt concerning the possibility of atomic weapons.

1962; The first session of Vatican II was convened by Pope John XXIII. 1968; The first staffed Apollo mission, Apollo 7, was launched with astronauts Wally Schirra, Donn Fulton Eisele, and R. Walter Cunningham aboard. 1984; Space shuttle Challenger astronaut, Kathryn Sullivan, became the first American woman to walk in space.

During a recent Blogger password audit, it was discovered that a blonde was using the following password:


When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Picture Of The Day: Cowboys, the backbone of the American west, are today's theme. Of course, a lot of people become cowboys when it's convenient, but sooner or later, every cowboy gets to taste the dust.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works! 2) When you see people write really long things on a napkin, do you ever think to yourself, "Would that fit better on a paper towel?" 3) Hey, I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's! 4) I think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. 5) My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?.....and that's five !

Birthdays: H. J. Heinz, food manufacturer 1844, Eleanor Roosevelt, American humanitarian and First Lady 1884, Charles Revson, cosmetics industry executive 1906, Joseph Alsop, political journalist 1910, Jerome Robbins, choreographer 1918, Elmore Leonard, writer 1925, Steve Young, football player 1961, Joan Cusack, comic actress 1962, Luke Perry, actor 1966, Michelle Wie, golfer 1989.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."

A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. The clerk looks at the cowboy and says, "Congratulations! Would you like the bridal then?" The cowboy replied, "Naw, thanks. I reckon I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return, I expect to see it completed."

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions. Furious, he called the artist in and screamed, "What the hell is this?" The artist said, "It's exactly what you asked for."

The billionaire said, "No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!" The artist replied, "And there you have it. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all those f**king Indians.'"

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves and bailing hay, so I guess I am a cowboy."

The woman said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women." The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

That's it for today my little gunslingers. Remember, if at first you don't succeed, go back and destroy all evidence that you even tried! More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !


Heli gunner Tom said...

I thought you ran that same Miner thing before...
Too, did you get a look at the guy who threw his book at Obama? He was black, and no wonder they didn't arrest him!

Tom S

Ally Lifewithally said...

Jimmy I just love a story with a happy ending :O) ~ Ally x

jack69 said...

I have a problem here. Can you send me the blog notice and block Sherry? If she gets here first I have to put up with her laughing, then when I have a chance to laugh, she wants to know what at? and she laughs again. She gets two laughs to my one.

On top of that, now I learn that in my younger years I was a lesbian too! Shucks!

Paula said...

Love the old miner picture and story. A few years ago we drove down around El Indio and Eagle Pass.

Joann said...

I LOVE THIS POST!! Even listened to some COUNTRY music on your playlist while I read it!! Love the stories of the gunslinger, and of the eccentric billionaire!! Sharing those stories!! LOL!!! Thanks for the laugh, I can always count on you!!

Julie said...

The jokes were all hysterical today, or maybe it is just the lack of sleep but I laughed my butt off. Keep up the great blogging.