Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Mister Potato Head Turns 60 This Year (No, Not Joe Biden)

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 5000 man elite fighting unit from the South. The Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Tennessee, Louisiana, Texas and West Virginia soldiers will be dropped into Afghanistan.

These brave soldiers have been given the following facts about Terrorists: 1) The season opened today. 2) There is no limit. 3) They taste just like chicken. 4) They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus. 5) They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt. I figure the mess in Afghanistan should be over in about a week.

Felicidades and congratulations to Chile and all of the people involved in the continuing rescue of the 33 trapped miners. It is a beautiful and amazing feat.

Free Credit Score (dot) com has a new and very exciting new band for its' new commercials. Unfortunately, the site is still a scam. This site, along with Free Credit Report (dot) com is merely a way to get you to submit information and the end result is a monthly charge to your credit card.

Free Credit Reports - Federal Trade Commission TV ads, email offers, or online search results may tout "free" credit reports, but there is only one authorized source for a truly free credit report (Click the link to find out more).

The News As I See It: New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie canceled a tunnel they were digging from New Jersey into New York. Apparently, New Yorkers found out about it.

It’s being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September...and that’s just people leaving the White House. The White House is becoming like "Dancing With the Stars." Every week, someone is voted off.

According to researchers at Ohio State University, sleeping with the light on may cause obesity....especially if it's the refrigerator light.

Odds and Ends: Charlie the smoking chimpanzee passed away. Let this be a warning for all you teenage chimps. A man was arrested for streaking at President Obama’s rally in Philadelphia. Thankfully, the police were able to restrain and clothe Joe Biden. Monday was Canadian Thanksgiving Day. On this day, Canadians gather with their families to give thanks that Celine Dion moved to Las Vegas.

This Date In History: 1775; The Continental Congress authorized the construction of a naval fleet. 1792; The cornerstone of the White House was laid. 1843; The Jewish organization B'nai B'rith was founded. 1903; Boston defeated Pittsburgh in the first World Series.

1943; Italy declared war on Germany, its former Axis partner, during World War II. 1974; Ed Sullivan died in New York City at age 72. 1981; Egypt's vice president Hosni Mubarak was elected president, one week after Anwar Sadat's assassination.

Picture Of The Day: Mr. Potato Head turned 60 this year. Brooklyn-born toy inventor George Lerner came up with the idea of inserting small, pronged body and face parts into fruits and vegetables to create a "funny face man." Lerner would often take potatoes from his mother's garden and using various other fruits and vegetables as facial features, he would make dolls with which his younger sisters could play. The grape-eyed, carrot-nosed, potato-headed dolls became the principal idea behind the plastic toy which would later be manufactured.

Mr. Potato Head was first put out by Hasbro, but only the parts, not the body. Yes, the original had you sticking things into real potatoes! That's why the toy proved controversial - with the war and food rationing a recent memory for most Americans, the use of fruits and vegetables to make toys was considered irresponsible and wasteful. Hasbro started selling it with the body only in the 60s.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My friend told his psychiatrist that he was thinking about suicide. The psychiatrist told him from now on he has to pay in advance. 2) Years ago, I went to a hotel in Lake Tahoe and I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife! 3) Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide." 4) My friend's wife made him join a bridge club. He jumps off next Tuesday. 5) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be......and that's five !

Birthdays: Rudolf Virchow, pathologist 1821, Mary Kingsley, explorer 1862, Art Tatum, jazz pianist 1910, Yves Montand, actor, singer 1921, Margaret Thatcher, British political leader 1925, Simon, Musician 1941, Kelly Preston, actress 1962, Jerry Rice, football player 1962, Nancy Kerrigan, figure skater 1969, Ashanti, singer, actor 1980, Ian Thorpe, swimmer 1982.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A man with tickets to the Super Bowl finds his seat and relaxes. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. The man says, "No, the seat is empty." The stranger said, "That's incredible. Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?"

The man said, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1976."

The stranger replies, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. Couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head and says, "No, they're all at the funeral."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. She asked, "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" Her father replied, "They're mating," The daughter asked, "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" Her father said, "That's a Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl said, "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" Her father replied, "No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot, stomped them flat and said, "Well, that might be okay in California, but we're not having any of that Brokeback shit in Texas!"

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, "They won't let me fart."

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly, "Mommy, I weas at the playground and....." Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

That's it for today my little chicken wings. Remember, there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. It's hump day and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Julie said...

I hate to admit I had a Mr Potato head that you stuck in the real potatoes, ages me, LOL. I think it was amazing watching the rescues. Some happy families, minus one cheated on wife in Chili.

jack69 said...

I always wondered about an insect or spider named Daddy long legs.

Thanks for the laughs!

Paula said...

Love when you explain things to us like the refrigerator light makes us obese.

Ally Lifewithally said...

It was great that all the miners are freed from the mine ~ Still laughing at the super bowl ~ as usual thanks Jimmy ~ Ally x

Anonymous said...

Jimmy please include me on the October 13 birthday celebrants!

Oh well, your posts never fail to amuse me. I always leave your blog with a smile on my face -- a huge one :-)