Friday, October 29, 2010

Happy Halloween Weekend !

Halloween was always fun for me as a kid but it was a lot of work, as well. Not being overly endowed with money, it was an opportunity for we kids to stock up on enough candy for a month or two. I'm talking one or two large paper grocery bags of candy.

Costumes? No one bought costumes. We made our own. The options were to take an old sheet, cut two eye holes in it and be a ghost or take a fishing cork, burn it and use the smut to dirty and blacken our faces and be a hobo. Some of our more creative buddies might get a helmet and be a football player, but that was a bout it.

No one wore any creative masks. We would go done to the local Mom and Pop grocery store and buy a Lone Ranger mask. The mask usually lasted about thirty minutes before the elastic broke.

We covered a lot of ground on Halloween, not wasting any time doing foolish, time consuming pranks. We fill up the first candy bag, go home to put it the refrigerator and head out again with a second bag. Hey, it was innocent times, we were creative kids and as they say, "opportunity only knocks once!"

The News As I See It: Air New Zealand will soon offer seats for couples that can be converted into beds. And you thought it was annoying when the couple next to you talked the entire trip.

There have been tornado warnings across the country, with at least 24 possible tornados. Possible tornados are the second worst kind of tornado. Washington D.C. was under a tornado watch. It was pretty crazy, especially when the White House landed on Christine O’Donnell.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (great name forethought by his parents) has canceled a train tunnel between New York and New Jersey. As a result, New Yorkers will have to get to New Jersey the same as they always have — by accident.

It was sad to hear about Paul the Octopus recently passing away. Jimmy's Journal has learned that Paul had previous trouble with the law. He was once arrested for texting pictures of his tentacles.

They’re experimenting with serving wine and cheese at Starbucks. How about experimenting with reasonably-priced coffee?

A court just ruled that voters in Arizona don’t need to show proof of citizenship at the polls next week. When asked about the ruling, some said they were on the fence — while many said they'd just hopped over it.

Here is my latest video "Georgia On My Mind". Anyone who would like a free copy of this video or any other of my videos can email me at and I'll be happy to send you one. All of my videos and songs can be seen on my YouTube site

Remember to mute the sound on my music playlist on the left sidebar.

This Date In History: 1682; William Penn arrived in Pennsylvania. 1787; Mozart's opera Don Giovanni debuted in Prague. 1923; The Republic of Turkey was proclaimed under Mustafa Kemal Ataturk. 1929; The New York Stock Exchange crashed on Black Tuesday, precipitating the Great Depression.

1956; Israel invaded the Egyptian Sinai Peninsula during the Suez Canal crisis. 1966; The National Organization for Women was founded. 1998 John Glenn, the first American to orbit the Earth, returned to space at age 77. 2004; European leaders signed the European Union's first constitution.

Picture Of The Day: w

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Ladies, when you're climbing the ladder of success, watch out for the boys looking up your dress! 2) Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye. You'll also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl. 3) Cell phones are also the only thing about which men sit around and brag who's got the smallest. 4) Every man has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 5) My father once told me: "Son, you should never lie. One lie begets another lie, then another lie, and before you know it, you're either a lawyer or a politician.....and that's five !

Birthdays: My daughter, Jeannie. Happy Birthday, my love 19XX, James Boswell, diarist, author 1740, Jean Giraudoux, French novelist and dramatist 1882, Fanny Brice, American comedienne 1891, R. B. Kitaj, painter 1932, Richard Dreyfuss, actor 1947, Winona Ryder, actress 1971, Gabrielle Union, actor 1972.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear. When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."

The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"

The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?" The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino. If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like that idea, you can shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new chick that had just arrived.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a "quickie." Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."

A drunk left the bar and staggered off in to the night on his way home. As he was passing a pumpkin patch he thought, "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and since there's no one around....... He picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need.

In the process, he failed to notice a police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until a female officer approached him and said, "Sir, do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?" The drunk froze and was clearly very surprised that she was there. Then looked her straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? it midnight already?"

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down replied, "I'm not sure but I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

That's it for today my little trick or treaters. Remember, you can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. Have a Happy Halloween and a great weekend. More on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

Printable Things I Never Told You is still my all time favorites!

Pumpkin at midnight had me on the floor! hehehehheheheheh

Happy Birthday to your daughter, Jeanne!

Enjoy your Halloween weekend!

Hugs, Rose

Adirondackcountrygal said...

Hey, I didn't know they had trick or treating when you were a kid! I have to agree on the costume business. My sons want some really expensive ones. I suggested they put on trash bags and go as garbage men and they got mad at me!

Dutch said...

Wow Jimmy, I didn't know you could sing. I love that song. You have a wonderful voice.

salemslot9 said...

happy halloween to
you and your
lil trick or
treater, Possum

Paula said...

We were such dumb little country kids in our town we didn't know what trick or treating was until a lady who moved there from Ohio introduced us. We only went to one house and they were so surprised they didn't have anything so they gave us each a small glass of apple cider.

jack69 said...

I'm so confused, I have seen folks I wish would turn into a pumpkin! However I see a pumpkin has many uses! But you can bet I ain't eating any pumpkin pie this year!!!

Missie said...

Happy Halloween!

Ally Lifewithally said...

I'm not having any Pumpkin Pie in the forseeable future either ~ :O) ~ Thanks Jimmy you always make my day ~ Ally x