Heidi the Opossum

No, it's not Joe O'Biden and, except for the ears, it's plain to see it's not Barack O'Bozo. Nope, it's Heidi, the cross eyed opossum and she's the new rage on the Internet. Heidi even has her own Facebook page. Heidi was abandoned at a North Carolina animal shelter before moving to Germany.

Heidi's caretakers can't explain why she's cross-eyed. And while some experts believe her condition could have come from an unhealthy diet when she was younger that caused fat deposits to build up behind her eyes, there's no need to be concerned. Poor vision doesn't affect the small animal. Because she’s nocturnal, Heidi relies mostly on her sense of smell to get around.

I showed her picture to my cat, Possum S. Hemmingway, but he didn't understand what the fuss was all about. Possum was abandoned in a dumpster when I found him almost seven years ago. Possum said. "Heidi may be on Facebook but I bet she doesn't have her own Blog." I think some one's a bit jealous.

The News As I See It: Hugh Hefner is engaged to a 24-year-old playmate, and he’s in his 80s. It will be her first marriage and Hugh Hefner thinks it will be his first marriage too. At Hugh Hefner’s age, I think she’s just there to blow on his soup.

There's a new website that allows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in one place. That place is called "work."

Newark, New Jersey's airport had to cancel 440 flights because of heavy snowstorms. You know it’s bad when officials think it’s more dangerous to fly out of Newark than to spend the night there.

Chinese President Hu Jintao will be at the White House next week. The good news is, he has no plans to foreclose so we can stay another month.

MGM says the next James Bond movie almost didn’t get made because of the bad economy, which explains the newest Bond villain, "Cash-for-Goldfinger."

Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on "Dancing with the Stars".

Odds and Ends: News reports say Jersey Shore star Snooki is tired of her name. She wants to go back to being called by her previous name, "Waitress!" America’s first gay history museum will open in San Francisco. In San Francisco, of all places? Really?

Here's my newest video "Mack The Knife". Remember to mute my music playlist located on the left sidebar. I hope you enjoy it.

This Date In History: 1236; English king Henry III marries Eleonora of Provence. 1784; The Revolutionary War ends; Congress ratifies Treaty of Paris. 1794; Dr. Jessee Bennet of Edom Va, performs 1st successful Cesarean section operation on his wife. 1814; King of Denmark cedes Norway to King of Sweden by treaty of Kiel.

1954; New York Yankee Joe DiMaggio marries actress Marilyn Monroe. 1975; The theologian, musician, philosopher and Nobel Prize-winning physician Albert Schweitzer is born in Upper-Alsace, Germany (now Haut-Rhin, France). 2008; Bobby Jindal takes office as governor of Louisiana as the first elected Indian-American governor of the U.S.

Picture Of The Day: Silhouettes, except for the two pictures of the Opossum and Possum. They struck my fancy and I hope they strike yours.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him. 2) My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself. 3) When you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers. 4) I don't want to say the woman at the bar was ugly, but I'm betting that as a child, when she played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering her up. 5) Hey, I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's! ......and that's five !

Birthdays: Benedict Arnold, general and traitor 1741, Henri Fantin-Latour, painter 1836, Berthe Morisot, impressionist painter 1841, Albert Schweitzer, Alsatian Medical Missionary 1875, John Dos Passos, novelist 1896, Harold Russell, soldier and actor 1914, Julian Bond, politician 1940, Faye Dunaway, actress 1941, Shannon Lucid, astronaut and biochemist 1943, Maureen Dowd, journalist 1952, Steven Soderbergh, filmmaker 1963, Emily Watson, actress 1967.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, the dentist says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes." The man grabs the dentist's arm, "No way! I hate needles. I'm not having any shot!" So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with the gas." The man winces and replies, "Absolutely not! It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out, comes back with a glass of water and says, "Here, take this pill." The man asks, "What is it?" The dentist replies, "Viagra." The man looks surprised and asks, "Will that kill the pain?" The dentist replies, "No, but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. He says,"You all have obsessions." To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy. He turned to the second mom, Ann, and said, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom, Joyce, and said, "Your obsession is with alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Debbie, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

Jack goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, 'Ninety-nine'." Jack obeys and says,"99."

The doctor says, "Great."Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99'." Again, Jack says, "99." The doctor says, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly."

The doctor continued, "I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'." Jack begins, "One...Two...Three..."

Running Doe, a young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one abnormality however." Running doe said, "What is that, Doctor?" The doctor said, "Well, you have no nipples." Running Doe said, "None of the people in my tribe have nipples."

The doctor said, "That is amazing. I'd like to write this up for The South Dakota Journal of Medicine if you don't mind. She said, "Okay." The doctor asked, "First of all, how many people are in your tribe?" Running Doe answered, "Approximately 500." The doctor said, "And what is the name of your tribe?" Running Doe replied, "We're called 'The Indiannippleless Five Hundred'."

A woman took her young son to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my child has swallowed a magnet!" The doctor said, "Don't panic, the magnet should pass through his system soon." The woman asked, "How will I be sure?" The doctor said, "Stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."

That's it for today my little french fries. Remember, two eyebrows are better than one. T.G.I.F. and AREA 51 here I come. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !