Monday, January 10, 2011

Left Wing, Right Wing, Independent? No, Just A Psychopathic Freak Of Nature !

The political finger pointing began almost immediately after the terrible tragedy in Arizona. As soon as the the media ascertained who died, who was injured and who survived, each side immediately began speculating as to the political affiliation of Jared Lee Loughner, the warped asshole who perpetrated the crime.

First reports were that Loughner was associated with the right wingers, which delighted the left wingers. Then, reports surfaced that Loughner was a liberal, which amused the right wingers. Now reports say that the douche bag is an Independent.

In the interim, all of the overly-politically correct camp reported that Loughner may have some mental disorder. Ya Think!? Could a man who guns down almost two dozen people possibly be a little off kilter?

Well, guess what? The psychopathic asshole is just regrettable freak of nature and should be euthanized in the same manner as a veterinarian might put down a rabid animal. His only political agenda comes from the depth of his own useless mind.

As for the media, especially the New York Times, the once respected newspaper now reduced to a near bankrupt, left wing political rag....make sure your brains are engaged before you put your mouths into hear. All you've managed to do with your droning, knee jerk, 24/7 coverage of this tragedy is add fuel to the fire.

The News As I See It: The first order of business for the 112th Congress: blaming everything on the 111th Congress. Now that the Republicans have taken over the House, they’re going to repeal everything President Obozo has done. They even told Michelle that her vegetable garden has to go.

Some Italian-American groups have complained that "Jersey Shore" perpetuates negative stereotypes of Italian-Americans — unlike "The Sopranos" or "Real Housewives of New Jersey."

Two people won the $380 million Mega Millions lottery drawing. It was the biggest single jackpot since Elin Nordegren divorced Tiger Woods.

New York City’s sanitation workers were accused of drinking on the job during the blizzard. At least something was getting plowed. With so much garbage on the streets, the rats are going crazy. Fortunately, the city has hired an extra cat.

Odds and Ends: The new Congress adopted a rule that permits members to use electronic devices on the floor of the House. Alright! Let the sexting begin. January is the month that people are most likely to be fired — especially if you’re an elf. With all the birds falling out of the sky all over the world, many are getting nervous. Today I saw a parakeet reading the obituaries.

This Date In History: 1776; Thomas Paine's Common Sense, which greatly influenced the authors of the Declaration of Independence, was published. 1863; The first underground passenger railway, the Metropolitan, opened in London. 1920; The League of Nations came into existence. 1946; The first General Assembly of the United Nations convened in London.

1967; The first African-American senator elected by popular vote, Edward Brooke of Massachusetts, took his seat. 1984; The U.S. and the Vatican reestablished diplomatic relations after a 117-year break. 2003; North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

Picture Of The Day: Some pastoral scenes that struck my fancy and probably one of the main reasons that I began painting with oils.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat. 2) Women keep trying to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking. Forget it, those men already have boyfriends. 3) The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. 4) We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. 5) I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.......and that's five !

Birthdays: John Root, architect 1850, Robinson Jeffers, poet 1887, Dame Barbara Hepworth, sculptor 1903, Donald Knuth, mathematician and computer scientist 1938, Rod Stewart, singer 1945, Donald Fagen, pop musician 1948, George Foreman, heavyweight boxing champion 1949, Shawn Colvin, folk singer 1956.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice say, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked, "Where are you? Who are you?" The voice answered, "I am your guardian angel." The man said, "Yeah? And where the hell were you when I got married?"

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear-splitting yell." The shrink said, "My dear, that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is?" She complained, "The problem is that it wakes me up."

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Wally and his wife Carolyn listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Wally leaned over, touched Carolyn's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it honey?" And thus began Wally's life of celibacy.....

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. She asked, "What are you doing?" Her daughter-in-law answered, "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work. I am wearing my love dress."

The mother-in-law said, "Love dress? But you're naked!" Her daughter-in-law replied, "My husband loves me to wear this dress. It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. He asked, "What are you doing?" His wife said sensually, "This is my love dress." He replied, "Needs ironing....."

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless panties she had seen in a novelty shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television, suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm and purred, "Want some of this?" Her husband answered, "Are you kidding? Look what it did to those panties!"

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. The woman to her lover, "Quick! Into the closet!", and she pushed him into the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

The outraged husband said "Who are you?" The esterminator said, "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone." The husband said, "What are you doing in there?" The exterminator said, "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths." The husband said, "And where are your clothes?" The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"

That's it for today my little frosted flakes. Remember, without nipples, breasts would be pointless. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Just checking in this cold night to read your funnies.

jack69 said...

I was doing good until that fool turned down sex for ironing. Now I have to go defrost my refer.

Thanks for the laughs as usual.

Be careful with the oils, and keep you mind on the work when painting nukes. Did I spell that right?