Monday, January 24, 2011

You Want Fries With That ?

There's talk about discontinuing teaching cursive in schools. Are you kidding me? I'd be happy if students could even print and spell correctly. Of course, this assumes that the students have the ability to read, as well.

Perhaps one of the manufacturers in the multi-billion dollar video game industry could make a program that would incorporate reading, writing and math into a video game that students would enjoy and could learn, as well.

In the age of computers, teaching the use of cursive writing in schools has become something of a controversy and understandably, a bit archaic to be useful. I guess that, for the masses, basic abilities are important to be able to function in society. In that vein, I agree with the concept to discontinue cursive.

For the more inquisitive, cursive writing along with all of the arts are very interesting and useful. The difference and consequences might be determined by which side of the McDonald's counter you stand behind. You want fries with that?

The State of the Union address is tomorrow night. The yearly dog and pony show should be interesting as many Congress members will be sitting with their counterparts in a theoretical show of softening the political rhetoric between parties. The fake standing ovations every time Obozo farts may leave many people standing individually as their counterparts sit.

You get bet your ass that it will be a speech of generalities and there will be no specifics as to cutting spending, medicare or any thing else that's important. Get a bag of popcorn and enjoy the show. Maybe Obozo will explain why he lied about televising everything on C-Span.....

The News As I See It: While in Washington, Chinese President Hu Jintao met with members of Congress. It was very festive as the leader of Red China met with our orange speaker of the House. in Chicago, President Hu met with Cubs fans. Apparently, he wanted to see some Americans who have suffered more human rights violations than his own people. Even though President Hu was only in Chicago for two days, by the Rahm Emanuel standard, he was able to establish residency and can now run for mayor of Chicago.

Ivanka Trump, the beautiful daughter of Donald Trump, has announced that she's pregnant. She doesn't care whether it's a boy or a girl, as long as it doesn't have Donald Trump’s hair.

A new study shows that taxicabs in New York City are harder to find during rush hour. Really? Also, bar stools are harder to find during happy hour. These studies were conducted by the "American Council of Stuff We Already Know."

This Date In History: 41; Roman emperor, Gaius Caesar, better known as Caligula (meaning Little Boot—he used to wear military boots as a child), was murdered. 1848; Gold was first discovered in California, in Sutter's mill. When President Polk announced the news in December, the gold rush began. 1908; Robert Baden-Powell organized the first Boy Scout troop in England.

1943; The Casablanca Conference with Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill concluded. 1965; Winston Churchill died in London at age 90. 1972; Japanese soldier Shoichi Yokoi was discovered in Guam, having spent 28 years hiding in the jungle thinking World War II was still going on.

1986; Voyager Two space probe passes within 51,000 miles of Uranus. 1993; The first African-American to sit on the Supreme Court, Thurgood Marshall, died. 2003; The Department of Homeland Security, under Tom Ridge, became a cabinet department.

Picture Of The Day: Chinese take out may be the new rage especially if the United States continues to borrow from China unstead of cutting spending.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. 2) I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! 3) It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month. 4) Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away. 5) I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my scotch glass.......and that's five.....!

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aquarius - January 24th: Waiting for important email will take precedent over waiting for junk mail for the first time today. The most erotic thoughts are those brought on by bubbles in your spinal fluid. Be warned the some lazy-boy reclining chairs can become dangerous if soaked in lime juice. Seek advice from someone older today in order to avoid making a fool of yourself.

Birthdays: My pal TerryAnn. Happy birthday girl ! 19XX, Frederick the Great, Prussian King 1712, Robert Motherwell, artist 1915, Ernest Borgnine, actor 1917, Maria Tallchief, ballerina 1925, Neil Diamond, singer, songwriter 1941,
Aaron Neville, singer 1941, Warren Zevon, singer, songwriter 1947, John Belushi, actor, comedian 1949, Mary Lou Retton, gymnast 1968, Matthew Lillard, actor 1970, Mischa Barton, actress, model

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. Monica says, "Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" The genie says, "No, you have been very bad recently, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."

Monica says, "Let's see. I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. But, I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish I would like my love handles removed." Poof! And just like that her ears were gone.

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie flies out and grants him a wish. Charles is ecstatic as just that morning he had accidentally run over the Queen's favorite dog and squashed it flat. He asks the genie to bring back the dog to life as the Queen would be furious and upset.

The genie examines the dog which is splattered all over the drive and tells Charles that there is nothing he can do so he'd best chuck the dog in the garbage. Charles then asks the genie if he could make Camilla Parker-Bowles beautiful as the media were always making fun of her looks.

The genie thinks for a moment scratches his head and says "On second thought, go get that dog out of the garbage!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Dutch and Pat from the U.K., for their contributions to today's stories.

Peter was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, Peter leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until Peter took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, Peter brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - a warm and gentle breeze and a perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him. He said, "Can you take the dog for a walk?"

A man was in a bar and needed a light for his cigarette. The man next to him pulled out a long, thin lighter such as the first man had never seen before. The first man asked the second man where he got it. The second man said, "There is a genie living in a bottle next to the river. If you go there and rub the bottle, the genie will grant you one wish."

The first man found the bottle near the river and rubbed it. The genie appeared and said, "I will grant you one wish." The man thinks for a while and says, "I want one million bucks." The genie says, "It is done. Go home and in one hour go look out of your window into your front yard." After an hour, the man looked outside and all he saw was ducks everywhere. The man was irate.

He went back to the bar and said to the man with the lighter, "I am so disgusted. I found the genie, but instead of one million bucks, that genie gave me one million ducks. The other man said, "You think you're disgusted. Do you honestly think I asked that genie for a nine-inch BIC?"

That's it for today my little Cauli Flowers. Remember, always proofread your work carefully to see if you any words out. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Have a good week Jimmy.

jack69 said...

From across the table, Sherry says, you must be reading Jimmy!!!
I said, Yeah, and I am studying how to make sure something does not sound like BIC!

But isn't it expecting a lot for a dog to take a dog for a walk?

Now I'm a Cauli Flower? hahaha
Nite Gracie!

Rose said...

Marriage is like a deck of cards cracked me up!

Yeah, using spellcheck is a good "eaching" the use of cursive writing in schools. Is that what you wrote??? LOL