Ski Tales

I've been involved in same crazy things in my life and last evening I recalled my skiing vacation sometime in the mid 1980's. I owned a corporation whose sole purpose was to set up ski vacations for a select group nicknamed the "Hialeah Ski Group", about 60 people.

The trip was for ten days, three days in San Francisco and seven days in at Heavenly Valley in Lake Tahoe, Nevada. In San Francisco, we stayed at the Sheraton near Fisherman's Wharf and in Lake Tahoe, we stayed at Caesar's Palace. Some parts of the trip cannot be printed as I'm still unsure about the Statute of Limitations, but I will relate a story of interest.

After touring Fisherman's Wharf and Alcatraz, we went to dinner at the restaurant at the Sheraton and music was provided by a very talented piano player. After finishing his "set", the piano player took his break and I asked him if he minded if I "tinkled around" with the piano. He said, "Go for it."

Unannounced, I sat at the piano and began to play some of my favorite songs. The "unofficial" leader of the group, my pal Ron, decided this was neat and he joined me at the piano. We began singing (no microphones) and all of our ski group joined in. The other patrons of the restaurant joined in on the fun and we did about thirty minutes before we quit.

As the piano player came to sit down, I realized that he had been back from his break for some twenty minutes, but things were going so well, that he just laid back and enjoyed it. Of course, the third singer, besides Ron and myself, was our old pal Johnnie Walker Black and we made quite the trio.

As were were leaving the stage, a young lass came over and asked what time we played again and I didn't have the heart to tell the truth, so we just said we were finished for the evening. Technically, it was the truth as our pal Johnnie had taken over anyway. I apologized profusely to the piano player for eating into his time and he smiled and pointed to his tip jar. It contained over two hundred dollars and his parting remarks were, "You boys can stop by anytime." It was a great night.....

The News As I See It: The Illinois Supreme Court ruled that Rahm Emanuel can run for mayor of Chicago. The law in Chicago is very clear: Dead people can vote and live people can run.

Vice President Joe O'Biden called President O'Bozo's State of the Union address a great speech. House Speaker John Boehner called it a real tearjerker. O'Bozo promised to veto any bill sent to his desk with earmarks. I think he's just being overly sensitive about his ears.

Egypt is in the midst of angry street protests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Yeah, because nothing calms an enraged Arab like a powerful woman ordering it around. Meanwhile, the terrorist group Hezbollah has taken control in Lebanon and opponents have declared a "Day of Rage" or as it's known in the Middle East.....Friday.

A social networking revolution has started in Saudi Arabia. Over 10 million Saudis are now online. In fact, the most popular social networking site for women in Saudi Arabia: "Cover Your Facebook."

This Date In History: 1547; King Henry VIII of England died and his nine-year-old son, Edward VI, assumed the throne. 1915; Congress passed legislation creating the U.S. Coast Guard. 1916; The first Jewish Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, Louis Brandeis, was appointed.

1986; U.S. shuttle Challenger exploded 72 seconds after lift off, killing all seven crew members aboard, including school teacher Christa McAuliffe. 1999; The creation of Element 114 is announced by scientists. 2003; In his second State of the Union Address, President Bush presents case for war with Iraq.

Picture Of The Day: Beautiful Lake Tahoe, Nevada and the Golden Gate Bridge are a few of today's pics along with a picture Jimmy Buffett and a picture of some of the Hialeah Ski Group taken at Steamboat Springs, Colorado.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? 2) They have a luggage store in the airport...a place to buy a piece of luggage. How late do you have to be for a flight where you think, "Screw it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a bag at the airport." 3) Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk. 4) If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, let the dog in first. He'll shut up once you let him in. 5) Years ago, my fiance ran off with my dog. I sure do miss that dog!......and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Aquarius - January 28th: Kissing horses in an otherwise empty paddock is fair game today. Enjoy yourself and try not to go too wild. Having to stop today and go to sleep will seem like a prison sentence. Gift horses always happen to those who least expect it. The moral of this horoscope is expect a gift horse, so bring mouthwash.

Birthdays: Sir Henry Morton Stanley, explorer 1841, William Seward Burroughs, inventor 1857, Colette, novelist 1873, Arthur Rubinstein, concert pianist 1887, John Banner, actor 1910, Roger Vadim, filmmaker 1928, Alan Alda, actor 1936, Sarah McLachlan, singer, songwriter 1968, Elijah Wood, actor 1981.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. She asks, "What happened?" He says, "I've never been with a woman, but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"

A man and his friend meet at the club house and decide to play a round of golf together. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs.

The friend is quite amazed at this clever trick and says, "That dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?" The man says, "Somersaults." The friend says, "Somersaults? That's incredible. How many does he do?" The man answers, "That depends on how hard I kick him in the ass."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

The little girl, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant.

The vet tells him that when pregnant, they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

The next morning, he was woken up by his wife shaking him and saying "Wake up Dear, the pigs are acting strangely!" The farmer says, "What do you mean? Are they wallowing in the mud?" She says, "No, they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

A neighbor came home with a birdhouse one day. I kidded him, asking how many birds could afford deluxe accommodations in our suburban neighborhood. He replied, "Leave that to me." Soon that birdhouse was dangling from a tree with a neat sign that read: "Room for wren--cheep."

That's it for today my little glow worms. Remember, be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !