Wednesday, November 30, 2011

This Little Piggy Went To Market.....

San Francisco, the city of Weird, has been snookered by McDonalds. A recent law aimed at making fast food for kids follow nutritional guidelines won't be making Happy Meals healthier, just more expensive if you want a toy. San Francisco also allows public nudity so chances are you'll see some fat assed kid eating naked with his fat-assed mother.....uhg!

Beginning Thursday, it will cost an extra dime in San Francisco to get a toy in a Happy Meal — a move one county supervisor called a marketing ploy prompted by the new law. San Francisco was the first major U.S. city to prohibit fast-food restaurants from including toy giveaways with children's meals that don't meet nutritional guidelines for sodium, calories and fat.

Personally, I believe individuals have the right to buy and eat whatever they like without the city who gave you Harvey Milk sticking their noses in your business. If you're not bright enough to feed your child a balanced diet and an occasional Happy Meal, then maybe San Francisco ought to enact a law barring idiots from procreating. It would fit right in, although it would also eliminate most politicians.

The News As I See It: Obama took his daughters to a bookstore last weekend. Barack bought Malia "The Phantom Tollbooth," while Malia bought Barack "Economics for Dummies." Obama bought eight books for Sasha and Malia. I read all about it on China’s credit card statement.

I shopped online on Cyber Monday and to make myself feel more like I was really at the mall, I pepper sprayed myself. Cyber Monday was sort of like Black Friday without stampedes.

In Los Angeles on Black Friday, a woman pepper sprayed some Wal-Mart shoppers who tried to cut in line. The police acted fast by immediately hiring her to get rid of the Occupy Los Angeles assholes across the street.

I don't think it's healthy that the holiday sales start on Thanksgiving night. You shouldn’t spend Thanksgiving night in stores fighting with strangers. You should be at home, fighting with your family.

A woman claims she had a 13-year affair with Herman Cain. You know what that means? While he was fooling around with those four other women, he was cheating on his mistress.

Facebook announced that they are developing a phone. In a related story, MySpace announced that they are developing a fax machine.

This Date In History: 1804; Supreme Court Justice Samuel Chase was tried for political bias. 1900; Irish author Oscar Wilde died in Paris at age 46. 1940; Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were married.

1966; Barbados became independent of Great Britain. 1974; The fossilized remains of a female human ancestor named Lucy (after the Beatles song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds) were found in Ethiopia.

1993; The Brady Bill, requiring a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases, is signed. 1995; President Bill Clinton became the first U.S. president to visit Northern Ireland.

Picture Of The Day: Mickey D's got around the new law in San Francisco by requiring the toy to be purchased separately for a dime, which would be donated to charity. Even funnier, in the past, if you didn't want the Happy Meal, you could buy the toy for $2 thus insuring your kid got the toy but ate healthier. Now, the toy cannot be purchased separately.....only with the Happy Meal.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I'd be willing to bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Bud Light than with Kay. 2) I wish that Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 3) Sitting in an office waiting room today, I realized that contestants on Family Feud must be complete morons in order to get on the show. 4) My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. We'll she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. 5) Map Quest really needs to start their directions on number 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - November 30th: Start your Christmas shopping early because you know how you procrastinate. It's hump day and happy hour should be good. Go for it! In fact, stop by Eddie Rhodes' Riverside Grill, it's his birthday. Uh....remember what I told you about clean underwear.

Birthdays: My friend Eddie Rhodes 19XX, Andrea Palladio, architect 1508, Jonathan Swift, author 1667, Mark Twain, writer, social observer 1835, Winston Churchill, British Statesman, soldier, and author 1874, L. M. Montgomery, novelist 1874, Gordon Parks, photographer, filmmaker, writer 1912, Shirley Chisholm, congresswoman, Trail founder 1924, Dick Clark, TV personality 1929, Ridley Scott, filmmaker 1937, David Mamet, playwright 1947, Ben Stiller, actor, director, comic 1965, Elisha Cuthbert, actor 1982.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: There was a loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time, just he and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she'd take their granddaughter for the drive.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
The little girl said, "Oh, yes, Grandpa, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"


An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, 'Ninety-nine'."

The old guy obeys and says,"99."The doctor says, "Great."Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99'." Again, the old guy says, "99."

The doctor says, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'." The old guy begins, "One... Two... Three..."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A rural couple had 9 children.They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed." The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision. He asked why, after nine children, would they choose to do this?

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican, and they didn’t want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His new copilot is Chinese and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don’t like Chinese."

The copilot says, "No rike Chinese? Why not?" The pilot says, "You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that’s why!" The copilot protests, "No, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese." The pilot says, "Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese… doesn’t matter, you’re all alike!"

There are a few minutes of silence. Suddenly, the copilot announces, "No rike Jews!" The captain asks, "Why not?? The copilot says, "Jews sink Titanic." The captain exclaims, "Jews didn’t sink the Titanic! It was an iceberg!" The copilot says, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah… all same."

That's it for today my little rain dear. Remember, don't worry so much about today. It wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena. It's hump day and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

4 comments:

jack69 said...

Good one, and I agree on the politics of food. on the other coast. Also love the Iceberg. but this was the best tonight!!:

4) My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. We'll she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaha

jack69 said...

Sherry got down to baby #10 and cannot quit laughing.

I don't know what was so funny, seemed logical to me. 'specially if they don't speak spanish!
Go figure women.

Paula said...

Yes good entry. The number ten one reminded me of my husband telling me about talking to my brother-in-law about why they had so many kids. Ten including in the three my sister already had when they got married. He told my husband they had so many because their doctor was Catholic and didn't believe in birth control. My husband and I agree we would fire that doctor ASAP.

Missy said...

The government should not be allowed to have so much control over our lives. A lot of these thing can be handled by educating people. I disagree with taking over the parents roles as parents.