NASA's Mars rover Curiosity touched down on the surface of the Red Planet at approximately 1:30 am this morning, completing a 154-million-mile journey and marking the beginning of a new era in planetary exploration.
I followed the last 30 minutes of the landing on NASA TV and I got a deep feeling of exhilaration when Curiosity finally touched down. Watching the faces of all of the people responsible for the landing, I felt like they knew they were well prepared and a successful landing was eminent. Yet, each and every one of them also seemed to be a bit fidgety until the official announcement of touchdown.
Curiosity, which weighs a ton and is about the size of a small SUV, approached Mars at about 13,000 miles per hour. When the Martian atmosphere slowed the craft to about 900 miles per hour, a supersonic parachute deployed, slowing the craft even further.
After the rover separated from the parachute, rocket motors fired, continuing to slow the descent. Then, at about 60 feet above the surface, a "sky-crane" lowered the rover to its new home on the Red Planet. Congratulations NASA for a terrific scientific feat.
The News As I See It: The I.R.S. is taxing the income gained by the U.S. Olympic team member who won medals in London. Now there's a thought. Tax people who invested four years of their lives to represent America having to pay taxes on the pittance they earned. What asshole came up with this idea?
Harry Reid speculated Mitt Romney didn't pay taxes for 10 years. He made the accusation on the Senate floor because there's a law that anyone who makes a remark on the Congressional floor cannot be sued for slander or defamation. Here's a rule of thumb. If you have to follow your claim with the words "I don’t know if that’s true", then shut the f*ck up.
Hollywood has made a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, "Total Recall." It's a movie that asks two haunting questions: "What is reality?" and "Will you pay to see a movie that stunk the first time?" The new movie doesn't have Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's got Colin Farrell. I don't think Colin Farrell is a good replacement because he can act.
Total Recall is about a guy who wakes up with no memory, which is a perfect role for Colin Farrell because he's Irish - we're used to it. Colin Farrell's character is a spy, and his wife is an assassin who's trying to kill him. That must be why they didn't bring back Arnold Schwarzenegger. He could never relate to a character whose wife wants to kill him, right Maria?
This Date In History: 1806; The Holy Roman Empire ended with the abdication of Emperor Francis II. 1825; Bolivia declared its independence from Peru. 1926; Gertrude Ederle became the first U.S. woman to swim across the English Channel. 1945; The first atomic bomb used in warfare was dropped on Hiroshima, Japan.
1962; Jamaica gained its independence within the Britain Commonwealth. 1965; President Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act of 1965, which outlawed the poll taxes and literacy tests that had restricted black voter registration in the South.
1997; British prime minister Tony Blair and Sinn Fein president Gerry Adams meet - the first time in 76 years that a British leader and an IRA ally meet. 2003; Arnold Schwarzenegger announced his candidacy to replace Gray Davis as governor of California to Jay Leno on the Tonight Show (That worked out well, huh?!).
Picture Of The Day: The amazing Mars rover Curiosity will begin exploration of the red planet starting today and will continue over the next two years. The findings and results should be extraordinary.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Snuggies are a stupid invention. Not only that, they're not new or an invention. In my house, we call them robes and if you're too stupid to operate a blanket, you deserve to be cold. 2) It's rumored that Senator Harry Reid took a Viagra pill and got two inches taller. 3) A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. 4) Those who say they "sleep like a baby", haven't got one. 5) Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 6th: Vegetables have always made you think naughty thoughts, so please bear in mind that any visits to the produce section of the grocery store may prove embarrassing. Chew the cud with some friends today. Their inane chatter may amuse you. Chance of romance is 37.91 percent and possibly higher if your trip to the grocery store works out.
Birthdays: Alfred Tennyson, English poet 1809, Alexander Fleming, bacteriologist, discovered penicillin 1881, Helen Jacobs, tennis player 1908, Lucille Ball, actress, comedienne 1911, Richard Hofstadter, historian 1916, Robert Mitchum, actor 1917, Andy Warhol, artist(?), film maker 1928.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage."
He continued, "I take off my shoes, sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late."
His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, flush it, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say 'Who's horny?!' and she acts like she's sound asleep! Works every time!"
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
The old man responds, "I'm 90 years old." The woman says. "90 years old? Don't you realize you've had it?" The old man says, "Oh, sorry. How much do I owe you?"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man gets on a bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and he sits down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked,"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out."
The eighty year old said, "That's nothing! Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a crap, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".
The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30, I piss like a racehorse and at 8:30 I crap like a pig. His friends queried, "That's great, so what's the problem?" The ninety-year-old said, "I don't wake up until eleven."
That's it for today, my little butterflies. Remember, nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !