The Dance

It's been years since my high school days and I wonder if schools still have dances? I wasn't overly involved in dancing, but I played in several bands during that time and I remember that almost every Friday night, there was a dance somewhere.

Most of the guys that I knew obviously went to the dances to meet girls and few were true dancers. Probably the funniest thing to watch back in the day was a gangly teenage boy attempting to dance for the sole reason of "hooking up."

In those days, there was always a live band and a "disc jockey" was someone who played records on the radio. Yeah, I said it....records! Not "LP"'s or albums as we called them, but 45 rpm records.

Everyone "dressed" for the dance. Few wore jeans and almost no one wore sneakers. Those that did were usually "economically challenged." No one ever mentioned anything about the kid in jeans or sneakers as most of us were just thankful to have "dress" pants and "dress" shoes.

Yeah, the dress codes have changed quite a bit.....and not for the better. If anyone ever showed up at a dance with his pants below his ass, we would have de-panted him and sent him on his way.

Congratulations to the U.S. Olympic team in garnering 104 medals and leading all countries with the most Gold, Silver and Bronze medals.

The News As I See It: Only in America.....do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well. "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".

Olympic officials disqualified a champion race walker after determining that he was doping. They disqualified him. The man said getting caught doping is almost as embarrassing as getting caught being a champion race walker.

This Date In History: 1521; After a three-month siege, the Aztec capital of Tenochtitlán fell to the Spanish conquistadors, marking the end of one empire and the rise of another. 1906; An all-black army unit was accused of a shooting rampage that left 1 civilian dead at Fort Brown in Brownsville, Texas. In 1972 they were all exonerated.

1942; Disney's Bambi opened at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. 1961; The border between East and West Berlin was closed and marked with a barbed wire fence. 1995; Baseball great Mickey Mantle died of cancer. 2008; U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps won his 11th career gold medal, becoming the first athlete in Olympic history to do so.

Picture Of The Day: This beautiful tiger cub and mother struck my fancy and I thought I'd share it with you.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I wonder if they executives at Walmart had a meeting and someone said, "I know, let's buy thirty registers and only keep two open?" 2) A relationship is the period of time between "I love you" and "Everything you do pisses me off." 3) I roasted a duck last night, but I don't think he got all the jokes. 4) You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee. 5) Hello, telemarketers and collection agencies. Your call is very important to me. Please leave a message after this enjoyable 40 minute flute solo.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 13th: Going "wild" does not necessarily mean that you have to remove all your clothing. I'm not saying that's what you're doing or even planning to do, but you remember what happened the last time you pulled that stunt. Chance of romance is 50-50, depending on how you're dressed.

Birthdays: My friend Marilyn - Happy Birthday young lady! 19XX, Anders Jöns Ångström, physicist 1814, Lucy Stone, reformer 1818, Annie Oakley, sharpshooter 1860, Alfred Hitchcock, filmmaker 1899, Ben Hogan, golfer 1912, Fidel Castro, Cuban revolutionary, premier of Cuba and resident asshole 1926, Don Ho, entertainer 1930, Midori Ito, figure skater 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office and asked, "Is it true that the medication you prescribed to me has to be taken for the rest of my life?" The doctor replied, "Yes, I'm afraid so."

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then. Just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'No Refills'."

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." The attendant replied with a grin, "Well sir, you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now....."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

Three men are traveling in the Amazon - a German, an American and a Mexican. Suddenly, they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" The Mexican says, "I will take nothing! He stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

The Amazons ask the American, "What will you take on your back?" The American responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?" The second man replied, "No, It's Thursday." The third man chimed in, "Me too, let's have a coke."  

That's it for today, my little road runners. Remember, I'll be friends with you guys til we're old and senile. Then we'll be new friends. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !