Hitchhiking

I used to hitchhike back in the day when it seemed there were not as many axe murderers and no nightmares on Elm Street. Moreover, most of the kids I knew were never given a car on their 16th birthday by mommy and daddy. Yeah, most of us just walked or hitchhiked.

Of course, I didn't get as many rides as the young lady pictured above, but I usually got to my destination. There wasn't a fear of weirdos or serial killers, maybe because most of us didn't watch that much television and especially the news.

We were teenagers and we had our own agenda of places to go and people to see. Thankfully, no one I knew ever had any bad experiences while hitchhiking and life went on.

On one occasion, however, I did have an embarrassing moment. On Saturday nights, I always hitchhiked to Hialeah Speedway to watch the stock car races. I would stand at the traffic light and ask each driver if they would give me a lift.

It was getting late and I had almost given up hope of catching a ride when a car came screeching to a halt. I was happy and I opened the passenger door and got in the car.

Just about the time I was going to thank the man who stopped for me, he said, "What are you doing in my car?" I said, "You stopped to pick me up." He replied, "No, I stopped because the traffic light turned red. Get out of my car!"

Embarrassed, I got out of the car. As luck would have it, the very next driver pulled over and picked me up. I made it to the races on time.

The News As I See It: The U.S. Women's soccer team won the Olympic gold medal. I just want to say that all of us in America are happy for the athletes and thrilled we don't have to watch soccer for four more years.

The U.S, is leading China in both number of gold medals and number of total medals. In response, China said that's nice but we still have all your money.

A German Olympic diver did one of the worst dives ever and got a score of 0.0. To save face, halfway through the dive, he yelled "cannon ball" but the judges didn't buy it.

Mars Rover "Curiosity" is starting to send back pictures. After studying photos taken by the robot, scientists saying that Mars resembles California. Both have large mountains, little water and the possibility of hidden aliens.

A man who ordered a television from Amazon was shocked because Amazon instead sent him a rifle. Which means somewhere a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch "The Real Housewives of New Jersey."

Divers off the coast of Italy have discovered a 2,000-year-old shipwreck that is so well-preserved, even the food is intact. The food was carefully extracted from the wreck and served at the Olive Garden.

This Date In History: 1821; Missouri became the 24th state in the United States. 1846; The Smithsonian Institution was established in Washington, D.C., from funds left by British scientist James Smithson.

1921; Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio at his summer home on Campobello island. 1944; U.S. forces seized Guam from Japan. 1948; Candid Camera with Allen Funt debuted on television.

1988; President Reagan signed a bill that awarded $20,000 to each survivor of the Japanese-American internment. 1993; Ruth Bader Ginsburg was sworn in as the second female U.S. Supreme Court justice.

Picture Of The Day: I couldn't decide which picture to use for "Picture of the Day", so I'm declaring a tie between the horsie and the puppy below (A Jimmy's Journal first. Who says we're not decisive).

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Men can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control. 2) The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. 3) A guy from Canada told me, "I like visiting Miami, but I couldn't live here, I like 'seasons' too much." I said, "So do I. That's why I live in a place that skips the shitty ones." 4) Money doesn't buy happiness? Oh yeah? Well, it bought my friend a wave runner and he met a hot chick at the lake and got laid. He had to pay her, but he still got laid!! 5) Hey Google, how about letting me type more than three letters in my search before you start trying to confuse me with suggestions.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 10th: Your aim to drink 8-10 glasses of water today may come crashing down on you when you get stuck in traffic later. I wouldn't discard that plastic water bottle, you may need it later. Chance of romance is 71.46 percent assuming you don't have an "accident" in traffic.

Birthdays: My pal Larry - Happy Birthday! 19XX, Herbert Hoover, 31st president of the United States 1874, Norma Shearer, actress 1900, Jorge Amado, author 1912, Rosanna Arquette, actress 1959, Antonio Banderas, actor 1960.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, "I'll die for you!" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"

A woman in New York had a beautiful black cat, Felix (of course), who spent his days outside and came indoors at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain.

The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he'd been sowing his wild oats. Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again.

The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, the woman began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple. The neighbor woman answered the door and answered, "A black cat? Oh, yes. My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida every winter."
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Sasquatchia, a pregnant woman, from was involved in a car accident and while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child and asked, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!"

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother Tyrone named the children for you."

Sasquatchia shrieked, "Lordy, not my brother! He's not really very bright." The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise." Sasquatchia smiled and said, "Oh, that's no so bad. What's the boy's name?" The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs...enough times till her husband says, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

She answered with a seductive smile, Yes..." Her husband said, "Thank God for that. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa." (He never heard the gunshot).

That's it for today, my little kidney beans. Remember, a weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for a little rest and recreation. That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !