Monday, August 27, 2012

Look Out New Orleans !

Well, Tropical Storm Isaac passed to the west and spared South Florida area and the Tampa Bay area, as well, but I don't like the looks of it's path towards the New Orleans area. Current forecasts suggest that Isaac will grow to be a category one hurricane when it makes landfall.

My thoughts go back to Hurricane Katrina and the untold loss of life. No one was prepared, beginning from the U.S. Government all the way down to local levels, including those who elected not to evacuate when ordered.

Although Isaac does not appear to be a force like Hurricane Katrina, it would behoove all government officials and residents to prepare for the worst.

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Facebook stock one year ago, it would now be worth $499.00. If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is my new retirement program. I call it my 401-Keg program.

The News As I See It: As a security measure, Nike will not open its stores at midnight the day the new $350 sneaker is released. They say it will be much safer for everyone to get trampled to death in the morning.

Lance Armstrong, after refusing to go to arbitration over the doping allegations, has lost everything. Seven titles were taken away. He had to give back his Olympic medal. He had to give back the money he won. Those are drastic cuts. I didn’t even know he worked for Comcast.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is going to the Republican Convention. Officials are worried about Christie's safety because of Tropical storm Isaac. The last they heard from him he was on I-95 at the truck scales.

The Obama campaign announced that theirs will be the first political campaign to accept donations via text message. Supporters can now text the word "Give" to donate up to $50 dollars to his campaign, although it's frustrating when auto-correct keeps changing it to "Fix The Economy."

According to a new poll, Mitt Romney is at zero percent among Blacks. I'm flabbergasted! The good news is that’s up 5 percent from last week.

This Date In History: 1859; Edwin Drake drilled the first successful U.S. oil well near Titusville, Pennsylvania. 1883; A massive volcanic eruption on the island of Krakatoa blew up most of the island and resulted in tsunamis that killed over 36,000 people.

1928; The Kellogg-Briand Pact, outlawing war, was signed. 1945; U.S. troops began landing in Japan after Japan's surrender in World War II. 1962; The U.S. launched the Mariner II space probe. 2003 Mars made its closest approach to earth in 60,000 years.

Picture Of The Day: This 2,500 pound, 22 foot long crocodile was killed by the Nigerian Army after villagers kept reporting missing  people. Hopefully, the missing are the ones who keep sending me email scams.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) They want to allow divorced women to compete in the Miss America pageant. I don't think that's a good idea. Do you really want to hear, "My dreams for the future include world peace and that my ex-husband gets killed by a bus." 2) I almost got arrested at the mall yesterday. The cashier told me "Strip down, facing me." How was I to know she meant my debit card? 3) I live in a two-story house. One of them is, "It's your fault" and the other one is, "Because I said so." 4) 600 shopping carts at Publix and I always pick the one with the front wheel that like to pirouette like a ballerina on speed. 5) My life has been a "rags to slightly better rags" story.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - August 27th: The light is coming closer and soon you will see exactly what the future holds with a special someone. The light is a little bit blinding though, so you might want to duck out of the way when it gets within touching distance or possibly even turn around. But don't turn around for too long or the light will be gone. I think it's a light. It's either a light or a really shiny brick.

Birthdays: Charles G. Dawes, statesman 1865, Theodore Dreiser, writer 1871, Man Ray, photographer, painter 1890, C.S. Forester, novelist 1899, Frank Leahy, football coach 1908, Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th president of the United States 1908.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: As they stopped at a cheese farm in England, a young guide led a group of tourists through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

She explained, "These are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."

While hiking down along the border this morning, a Texan saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get any help, they'd surely drown.

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, the Texan informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security and neither authority responded. I am starting to think that he wasted those two stamps.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A seaman meets a pirate in a bar and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook and an eyepatch. The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

The seaman replied, "Wow, what about your hook"? The pirate said, "While my men and I were plundering in the middle east, I was caught stealing from a merchant and the punishment for theft in the middle east is the loss of the hand that steals"

The seaman remarked, "Incredible! How did you get the eyepatch?" The pirate said, "A sea gull shit in my eye." The seaman said, "You lost your eye because of sea gull shit?" The pirate replied, "Well, no... It was my first day with the hook."

A young man is vacationing alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young ladies. Much to his surprise, they all seem to be drawn to an old guy a little further down the shoreline. The young man goes back to the hotel, hoping for better luck that night in a night-club.

At the club, he sees the same old man, surrounded by beautiful women. He pulls the old guy aside, and asks, " Man, what's your secret?" The old man replies, "I saw you on the beach today and I felt sorry for you. So I'll give you a tip. Try putting a pair of socks down your trunks." The young man is thankful for the advice and can't wait for the next day to try his luck again.

The next morning he goes out to the beach again, with a clean pair of socks neatly tucked into his trunks. But the girls only smile at him and move on. He then sees the old man again, completely surrounded by beautiful women.

That night, he finds the old man again and asks for more help. The wise old man responds with another fine tip, "Next time son, put the socks in the front of your trunks."

That's it for today, my little tweety birds. Remember, the good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half full. The bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

You had me at "401-Keg program"! LOL

Stay safe, it is still nasty out there.

Hugs, Rose

jack69 said...

Glad Isaac missed you and Rose.

I like the 401-Keg plan. LOL
Now we can worry about Jean up in OPP, AL. And Yvette in Nawlins, she was displaced by Katrina, and just moved back last year. OUCH for them.
Oh, BTW you do have a direct descend of the Donners that reads the blog. Don't worry she lives in the North woods near Canada!

Good read, thanks....