Strange Restaurants

Although I prefer dining in small, intimate restaurants, I've eaten in every kind once or twice. From greasy fast food burger places to the most succulent fillet mignon in dimly lit restaurants, I've tried most of them out, especially when I'm hungry.

I assume that many of these "all you can eat" or "free salad bar and bread" restaurants are good for someone with a large family on a limited budget. Therein lies my problem.

I don't eat a lot at one sitting and the thought of ten thousand kids running wild kills what little appetite I might have. It was for just that reason that, years ago, my first visit to Chuck E. Cheese with my kids was also my last visit. But, I digress.

Lately, I've seen some TV commercials and there's just some restaurants that don't inspire the gourmand that lives within me. The idea of going to a restaurant, whose main attraction is a chocolate waterfall or cotton candy, doesn't give me the desire to visit. I can only imagine the residue that must be at the bottom of that chocolate waterfall, only to be recycled back to the top. Oh, yum.....

You can also forget that particular seafood restaurant whose commercials always make the seafood look bigger than actually served at the restaurant. I only went there because my parents favorite waitress and family friend worked there and that made them happy. As for me, the restaurant reminded me of a combination of a southern hoe-down and a basketball player reunion.

I've eaten there in the past and the shrimp I was served would be classified as "Shrimp Minute" (pronounced My-Newt). Either the forks they use for commercials are the size of a hammer or some one's fibbing.

I know that it's getting more and more expensive for restaurants to operate and some of them need a catch to pull in new people. I just don't thing that chocolate waterfalls and magnified seafood are the answer.

I don't go to new restautants for the food, I go for the story. If make it out without being robbed or getting food poisoning, I'm happy.

The News As I See It: Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, Obama says a Romney presidency would result in lost jobs. Yeah, Obama's and Biden's.

In a new interview with Fortune magazine, Mitt Romney says he wants to cut funding for PBS. When he heard that, Oscar the Grouch was like, "Seriously? I already live in a garbage can — how much worse can my life get?"

Obama said that he's working on a plan to release oil before November to lower gas prices. It will be released from our strategic election reserves.

The president said he is sticking with Joe Biden. Which means one of two things. Either he thinks Biden is doing a good job or Hillary said no.

Republican Vice Presidential nominee Paul Ryan likes to catch catfish bare-handed. He'll wade into a river and pull it out with his bare hands. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie likes to reach into the tank at Red Lobster.

Porn star Jenna Jameson has come out for Mitt Romney. So this election could have a happy ending after all. Evidently, the Democrats are losing the porn star vote. That would never have happened under Bill Clinton.

The White House revealed that it brews its own beer and Obama drinks it when out campaigning. He drinks even more when Joe Biden goes out campaigning.

A new study found that vegetarian cavemen died earlier than cavemen who ate meat. Not from starvation — they were just murdered after they kept talking about why they became vegetarians.
 

This Date In History: 1964; As part of his Great Society policies, Lyndon B. Johnson signed the Economic Opportunity Act which, among other things, established the Head Start program.

1968; The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations invaded Czechoslovakia. 1977; The space probe Voyager 2 was launched. It continues to explore to this day, and is now more than 7 billion miles from Earth.

1980; Italian Reinhold Messner made the first successful solo ascent of Mount Everest and without oxygen. 1998; U.S. cruise missiles hit suspected terrorist bases in Afghanistan and the Sudan.

Picture Of The Day: It's rough getting old but it's even rougher when you have to share your dentures.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Letting the government "pick winners" is like letting Zsa Zsa Gabor pick your spouse. 2) Sunrises are just as beautiful as sunsets only less crowded. 3) Okay, then what day will you have time for my shenanigans? 4) We want a cure for short-term memory loss! When do we want it? When do we want what? 5) It's "before", not "b4". We're speaking English here, not Bingo.....and that's five !

Bonus Sixth: One day in the scary movie when the victim whispers, "Hello?", I want to see the killer shout out, "Hey! I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 20th: Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look everywhere for it. However, you will discover that temptation itself is not as harmful as running the streets naked shouting, "It's not my fault." Chance of romance is....ah, forget it. Not much of a chance if you're running around naked.

Birthdays: Oliver Hazard Perry, American naval officer 1785, Benjamin Harrison, 23rd U.S. President 1833, Eero Saarinen, architect 1910, George J. Mitchell, public official 1933, Connie Chung, TV news reporter 1946.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. The doctor asked, "Any specific problems you should tell me about?" The woman answered,  "Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours. Do you think I might be a haemophiliac?"

The doctor answered, "Well, Hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a haemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?" After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."

Three guys were talking in a bar. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third guy remained quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third guy says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. One of them asked, "What happened then?" The third guy said, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything - noise, spray, cats - nothing seems to scare them away.

The second Pastor then said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."

With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said, "I had the same problem so I baptized all of mine and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since!!"

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" God answers, "What's the problem, Eve?" Eve says, "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy." From above, the Lord asked, "Why is that Eve?"

Eve said, "Lord, I'm lonely and I'm sick to death of apples." The Lord replied, "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." Eve asked, "What's a 'man', Lord?" The Lord said, "A man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathise or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time."

The lord continued, "But, he'll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you. He'll also need your advice to think properly. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed animals and not altogether bad in the sack."

Eve says, "Sounds great, my Lord." says Eve, The lord said, "Well, you can have him on one condition." Eve answered, "What's that, Lord?" The Lord smiled and said, "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

That's it for today, my furry little hamsters. Remember, it's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars. That's it for now. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !