Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Go away Isaac !
Tropical storm Isaac looks like he has plans to visit South Florida. It's a bit early to worry too much, but there should be some law of nature that says storms can't hit the mainland on the weekend or at night. It's sort of like the weather version of of Murphy's Law or the old adage, "bread always lands peanut butter side down."
Every hurricane I can remember always seemed to hit at night and/or the weekend. Of course, when I was a lot younger, we just had a hurricane party and hung out together at the same place. That is..... until we really went through a bad, full force hurricane.
It was then that we learned that these storms are to be taken seriously and earnestly prepared for. Some people found out the hard way. I'm hoping that Isaac changes his mind and his course, but preparation begins tomorrow for me, just in case.
My pal Zoey crossed the rainbow bridge to play with Gabi Lin and Luke The Wonder Dog. She will be missed. My heart's out to Julie and Rick. Rest in peace, Zoey.....
The News As I See It: Th
A Playboy Playmate smuggled her boyfriend into the United States from Canada in a suitcase. They're going to arrest her as soon as they are done patting her down.
A new survey predicts that women and the elderly are more likely to vote in the presidential election. Which explains the new front-runner, Michael Buble.
The Republicans are getting ready for their Florida convention. Right now, they're busy auditioning minorities.
This Date In History: 1642; The English Civil War began between supporters of King Charles I (Royalists or Cavaliers) and those of Oliver Cromwell (Roundheads). 1775; King George III proclaimed the American colonies to be in open rebellion.
1846; The United States annexed New Mexico. 1851; The U.S. yacht America outraced the British Aurora off the English coast to win a trophy that became known as the America's Cup.
1902; Theodore Roosevelt became the first United States president to ride in an automobile. 1910; Korea was annexed by Japan after five years as a protectorate. 1989; Black Panther co-founder Huey P. Newton was shot to death in Oakland, Calif.
2003; Alabama's chief justice, Roy Moore, was suspended for refusing to move a Ten Commandments monument from the state courthouse. 2004; A version of Edvard Munch's painting The Scream was stolen in Norway. Another version had been stolen in 1994.
Picture Of The Day: There's always a reason to look back or over your shoulder.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) You know you're getting old when you have to turn your music down to park your car. 2) If a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it. 3) Grandparents: changing the world one forwarded email at a time. 4) At my age, only 3 things can make me go running. When someone yells, "Fire!", "Free Food!" or "The free food's on fire!" 5) Why haven't any of Spiderman's arch enemies just squashed him with a giant shoe?.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Leo - August 22nd: Bread, lightly cooked, buttered. Today's horoscope is sponsored by Toast. All of your aims are achievable, although many of them would involve bionic implants and some theft. Long walks, cold showers and playing with puppies will help alleviate the lack of romance in your life this week.
Birthdays: Claude Debussy, composer 1862, Jacques Lipchitz, sculptor 1891, Dorothy Parker, writer 1893, Henri Cartier-Bresson, photojournalist 1908, John Lee Hooker blues musician 1917 Ray Bradbury, writer 1920, Norman Schwarzkopf, general 1934, E. Annie Proulx, writer 1935, Bill Parcells, football coach 1941, Tori Amos, musician 1963.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man wanted an attack dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest dog in the kennel and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.
After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage. The buyer said, "He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," The owner replied, "He's not bad, but I have something better in mind for you."
They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage. The buyer said, "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier." The owner said, "Well, no, I have something better in mind for you." The men continued their tour.
Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to notice as the men approached. "The owner said, "This is the dog I had in mind for you." The buyer was flabbergasted. He said, "You're joking! This dog seems quite tame. He doesn't act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his ass!"
The owner said, "I know, I know, but he just ate a lawyer and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" Without looking up, Tim replied tearfully, "My goldfish died and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in El Paso, Texas, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an American Indian, another is a Texas cowboy and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived in the U.S. from the Middle East. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.
Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing, but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow, leans forward and says, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"
The cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and, from the darkness beneath his Stetson, says in a smooth drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but it's a-comin'.
The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop. The people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. He said, "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions or you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question." The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.
The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky. All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city. The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.
The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for one million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the one million just to get to ask one question.
The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his one question. The mayor asked, "Do you have a blue Mexican?"
Two cows were grazing on the side of a hill and one turned to the other and said, "Mooo." The other cow replied, "Damn, I was just going to say that."
That's it for today, my little munchkins. Remember, sometimes autocorrect can be your worst enema. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.. That's it for now. More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !